Coffee Drinking 33

The next story will take a while to start because I want to figure out a new writing style for it, with the shell assimilated, Aurora now talks with the storyteller, the first part is Aurora half dying from the new nerve configuration (which Im not really in the mood to do…).

Ive been really anxious today cause theres gonna be a state payment of $5000 not dollars for self employed people in this time of blabla… I registered early but I have no idea if Im gonna get it. That is not normal, there is no welfare here for the crazy like Au, and its just happening because the governor wants to be president, weeelll, now he has a chance to convin$e me.

I find it so funny, through the years, I go through countless trouble and nonsense yet I manage in the end to have “stable” personal finances, yet eeeeverybody around me keeps screwing up and now with the lack of income finally landing…

Enough of that crap!! sorry to have bored you with it. To deal with that stress, and cause I really look forward it, I decided to do the sketches of the Little Commander stories, though those will happen much later.

A new war is brewing out of control, Aurora consciously creates a new shell called “Dark Reo” and goes back to her child form, Little Commander, master of operations. Her right hand, experienced valued General, the shell of old days, he believes it is time for him to take action again, yet he is not allowed, and is not happy about it.

The Goofy Front, with the practical shell Ceran, a soldier who keeps mocking the high command, though she has no idea of what to do nor plan. Child AuAu storyteller, even being at the front, this is more of a place for her because… and Dark Reo, the newly created shell, cold tactical operator who will fight for the motherland. “Little foreign boy, being pushed around, little foreign boy, in a foreign town”.

You are smart enough to get that song, right? of course you are, silly me to even question, wont do it again. Next comes:

To the left is Adult AuAu storyteller in her role of Chronologist, while the General keeps in conflict with Little Commander, she is the one who really understands her motives… at some point it is her that puts the General back in line. To the right is the Investor, she is, a combination of many things, she is used to a constant flow of high income and expense, the sense of life is based on that never stale materialism, like a drug which already took the central nerve system, she doesnt care about anything else, there is no principle only the result, she has a thing for Little Commander because she was supposed to be the… so in her everlasting greed, she daydreams about the power and glory beyond her means, that never was.

There is also the Creator (Auroras Mother) but she is only mentioned, have you heard of “providence” and such in times of war? well, screw providence. Maybe I should have done her sketch because she plays the key role. And finally, the Empress of the Kingdom of One.

Little Commander endlessly stares at her picture instead of deploying, which is the source of the anger from the General and the mockery of the Front. Will they win the war? :O

Funny thing I just noticed, in the image of the video, theres an eye on the dim clouds above her head, oh, now I cant unsee… theres, maybe, more images on the other clouds too.

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About: Cat Dying Days 08-10

Storytelling Days 02 ~Cat Dying Days~ 08

Storytelling Days 02 ~Cat Dying Days~ 09

Storytelling Days 02 ~Cat Dying Days~ 10

Happy house arrest, fellow world citizen. And here I thought I had a good decade or two before full automatization… Wanna hear something funny? I actually have had work, I even forgot what it was like to be computer teacher, weird feeling.

The birds are doing great, people are feeding them more than normally so others have been coming less, the main group behaving well and moving out to spring nests, which will last until the rains in, I dont know, july or september. Its been nice though the heat has started and its annoying, I have good ventilators but you have to be careful about temperature drops, the hospital has its own too, and pools of water are set for a refreshing bath. Mr Pio Pii is happy at his home in the upper part of the closet, Michael and Wife moved out to their summer residence at the tree outside the temporarily abandoned catholic curses center, I think its the tree but maybe they found another place around there, you can see Michael picking up soft sticks he doesnt like much on the sidewalk there, more than plenty are here to pick up, but they are stubborn and he wants those.

Politics wise, I really like what the local president is doing, I didnt appreciate him much until this late wave of raging technocrats being what they are, I enjoy much better the silly human touch than the vapid greedy industrial one. Also, because of work I got to study a bit about the southern part of the country, which Im guilty, I didnt even know the proper geography.

From what this little ant has been able to simplistically see, people with passive income or means to continue wants soldiers on the street until the evil virus is eradicated, those who dont and are not miserable, not really. Its all fun and games until you get hungry, I guess the instinct to kill other animals to feed yourself kicks in, the aggressiveness and such, an ancient call from humans of so old (~yuck, barbaric hordes!~).

“… All those great things that life has to give, they want to have money and live, but me, I just dont care at all…”

Feels nice being an adult, if I was a kid, my Mother would have beat me up hard for just saying half those late words, “I just dont care at all” hahahaha… ahhh, those were such good days, later in the stories, though I dont know where exactly, theres a part that goes into the massive, I dont even know how to call it, she died and the kid couldnt follow, why is Aurora so serious in her craziness and such? the long bass depressive line, it is because of this, everything else comes on top. You know, Im probably gonna block it and keep that story for an eternal “later”, theres plenty other to do anyway.

Storywise, ahh, I already went too long and… in chapter 8, she throws a goodbye party to the shell personality, because she thinks there was interesting stuff she could have done with “him”, but she is too busy being herself, and she cant be both.

In chapter 9, our favorite neighbour girl comes back, this is actually her house, the front had better elements to draw but that wasnt accurate, it was from the side, which had ugly elements, so I, just made it plain :(

The second drawing was about something sexual, as I started making it I changed my mind, cause she is actually a good person and I keep mocking her. They are both there at the same time and place because of the same comatose reasons. She has two or three more appearances later.

And finally, the last chapter of this story, the shell is gone and Aurora just talks to herself about it, a huge process has ended in a wave of lethargy, later comes heavy sickness. Creepy aspects of the shell are mentioned, like “the end of the day is the end of the world”, for countless years, when she deep slept, she forgot about plenty. It is actually more complicated and its about mental structures, not just a memory of what you did.

“…There are others…” The core personality of Aurora divides into past and present, and so the shells, In “The Puzzle of a Lost Girl” story (I need to remake those drawings, I was waaaay too busy writing it), the past shell describes the present one, using his heavy language and knowledge. Some people just grow backwards. The divide of time is blocked so he presents himself later as the Teacher personality to present core Aurora, and later when that unblocks, he becomes a naggy General in the Little Commander stories, ohh, those are so great, because of the (lost) romance between her and the Empress.

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Coffee Drinking 32

The self imposed quarantine starts today were I live, my life style doesnt change much besides learning the difficult art of not touching my face when I know my hands are not clean, which is something I should have practiced ages ago.

My thoughts about the flu? all kinds of interests are drooling at the sight of martial law, if you learn something about seriously reading history, its war, after war, after war, at all times, morally justified. After burning their slaves so much with modern artillery, now they need a permutation of it.

Maybe Im just cynical about it, I get plenty of flus all year, I might even got it already.

I read an interesting local comment the other day, it said something like, “you only see panic shopping on the wealthy stores, cause they imitate the americans, the exact same products are offered at the around the corner convenience stores, yet nobody is mass buying in those”. Funny thing, I did enjoy panic shopping when it was just me, I did it when “the biggest storm ever recorded” went through here, luckily the altitude, the chain mountains, and the storm missed the city… it would have been such a mess.

Anyhow, my main worry is about the birds food, I do have a loooooot, like three months or even a little more, but it is very difficult to restock for me. I do trust the conviction of other bird feeders to continue their duty, I cant do it all by myself… Oh, I found yesterday a sick baby sparrow (the kind of larger, I dont know) on the street, crossing a small avenue, the local holiday and my timing passing there made it possible, for him to have a shelter as he dies… he was too hot under the sun, fell from the nest, looking for food and water, poor little thing. Its not the first time, I found a small type one some months ago, he died the next day, this one seems will live a little further than that.

On the artistic front, the next chapter was ready a while ago, but Ive hold it because Ive been making up my mind about a bunch of stuff, from dumb personal daily management to art expression issues, you know, as my day job dies at the senile depression of my former clients, maybe I should try something a little bit more business oriented, just a bit… theres so many things I want to do, but I lack the strength to do it, and you blink and time flies, I even stopped making notes, it was like hoarding and was sick of it, now I focus on what I can remember, the structures of the mind and development of the skills, everything else is of minor importance, through the times, been able to do, thats what matters to me. I think it is the recreation of the magic from the “Core to Illusions” (~the last chance to wake up from amnesia and injuries~ story), now in modern days.

And I will be there
Where you had to wait
And I will find you
Where the wind became stale
Dont you know this place is actually great?
Theres nothing to really hate
Surrounded by factories and storage gates
But we, a date in the park
Sweet colored sky
Stepping stones all ground, mixed and dry
Under the shade of a tree they may cut another day
Dont you know? were not alone
A million insects do the same as us
And just like them, we will move when the time comes
And I will tell you of how we played
Then, walking on the sad notes of a common day
We will talk about it, happiness.

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About: Cat Dying Days 06-07

Storytelling Days 02 ~Cat Dying Days~ 06

Storytelling Days 02 ~Cat Dying Days~ 07

Two more chapters done and three more to go for this story. Im gonna left the Auroras “wake up” pains for the next one. In chapter 9, our favorite neighbour girl makes a quick comeback in her romantic longing for the main character; in chapter 10, the shell is fully gone and lethargy settles in; And in chapter 8 the failure of a goodbye party for the shell occurs, this is the new drawing:

The first two drawings are mostly random and not from chapter 7, I didnt feel like drawing any of what happens in it, the summer student girls just lasted a paragraph, its hard to draw a libido that doesnt exist because of gonad shortcircuit, and the rest is just the crappy place I live at.

In chapter 6, the funerals of Mr Cat:

The original idea was different, but, I think I like this one better, its an important moment, so a “resemblance” of the place is necessary.

bigger, deeper… of course… and then you throw yourself in it…

I changed the theme of the site, from the chalkboard one to the good old twenty ten I use on the story sites, I thought it finally gave transparency for the background drawings to be easily seen, but it was just my high contrast windows setting messing with the browser :(

I think most people just use the reader from their phones, Im on my pretty little fanless desktop so I dont use it much.

On other news, Ive been working on my mood problems, not the apathy, thats different…

The mood swings, I have realized that there is not (much) physiological origin but an emotional one, its a huge tantrum, really. Why? well…

Oh, something lovely, she and Auroras Mother are, naturally, similar, for example, they both got angry in their sleep, at some random whatever half-formed dream, you know, the main character watches the world pass by in endless passivity, they dont, they punch you in the face at the first sight, so you have to learn to dodge, or just take it.

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Coffee Drinking 31

So, the idea I was talking about yesterday, I was thinking of a new side imaginary story that I thought would be interesting to write, while Aurora steps on the shell without a care in the world, in this one like a fairy tale, the ever easygoing shell magically gains some personality traits, not many just enough, becomes a real boy and the sex toy of the girls around him, the story would be actually about them, their different reactions, attitudes, environments, social classes, motives in life, blabla, I think it will be a great story in many aspects, from the realistic female sexual drive, to the group thinking, to the individual behaviour, to the new character settings once he drifts to another girl, and even when he comes back to an old relationship.

Why this is happening? While Aurora is a very, emh, complicated person with a bunch of weird problems from a million years ago, the shell retains some of her attractive features and presents those in a simple and down to their reality form.

Its gonna be very sexual, but I think the focus is the description of a real touch along with their feelings of sincere attachment to the main character, not just the sex guy, they even follow him. Why? he doesnt talk, he doesnt tell, completely easygoing, very goodlooking, great body and strength, he is a freaking genius who drives in the adult world like is nothing, they all think he is going to make a fortune once he goes to the top of a thousand collages, he takes you seriously, no vices, no pretentiousness, evil boys back down with his mere presence along with the occasional demonstration of force, ridicules mean girls, fights bad adults, and then a goofy sense of humor and self mockery, he doesnt take himself too seriously. Oh, he is too popular and doesnt worry much, so he doesnt fall in their vices either, when that happens usually another girl comes and snatches him, taking advantage of her weakness and making it obvious.

I dont make too much emphasis in the stories, at these “expectations” Aurora had to destroy, cause it was no more than an illusion, for her it was absurd and made no sense, but for others… ooohhhh, she took their treasure, the shell was so loved and then so hated, and then ignored in anger, theeen (minor, nevertheless) war was building up and the Little Commander stories happen. But this story is not about that, this is a positive one, it doesnt go deep into the voids.

The setting is a conservative society with the drive of old religious generations that are very slowly fading, not to get political, its just a description of the place, I dislike all factions and Im against them all, worry not. People in this setting generally dont have much money, a few of the girls come from wealthy families, some have a decent job, the others just struggle with whatever, from older to young, and the change of social classes, and even the old cast present system, it is reflected as he moves from one girl to another. “Moves” its just a word, he just floats around without much aim.
I think it is a great story, yet I have two challenges too difficult to overcome, one is building the libido fuel, naturally of course, thats gonna take ages… they have sex all the time, but the real focus is their beauty, as bitter as I am, it is what I am interested to portrait, it is what this story is about.

The second in my mood swings, I care about this today, tomorrow I probably wont, the next who knows, and then I fix my eyes to the main story. I will have it for the long, loooong, run, I think I will write it very slowly now and then in order to hoard the chemicals, cause it is really a good idea and I want to do it, I even have the drawing style in mind, something new, not too complicated cause there is so many girls, and looks good and expressive.

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About: Cat Dying Days 04-05

Storytelling Days 02 ~Cat Dying Days~ 04

Storytelling Days 02 ~Cat Dying Days~ 05

Busy days with this and that… the mild flues are even less and Ive been working on hyperventilation to compensate the low breathing, its not a miracle solution but works well, and its so simple, no wonder I didnt do it before…

Back to the stories, These two chapters are very straightforward, telling about the sickness and death of Mr Cat, he was like fourteen, had survived illnesses before, but a cat flu that was around and that set the time for his natural death. Josephine lived until her twenties. About the second drawing, I really like the endings of the hair, now I have to remember to do it more often, thats half the challenge for me… you know, next time I go sleeping beauty for countless years, its gonna be much easier, because I have the storytelling as a backup.

Theres a part in chapter 4 that sounds kind of weird: “he cannot become us, he is he, us is us, thats the way I see it”.

This came out really good, and no, it is not about depersonalization in order to engage in life and depravity, it is about that line that is explained in the next chapter: “of all that has loved me in the world, he was of the ones who did the most… I, I noticed… his sense of admiration was, mmm, its like he wanted to be like you, yet he was only a cat”. I couldnt think to make him humanish (except maybe in his “saint” form of the first drawing), so I made an Aurorish would be cat instead.

Chapter 5 is kind of special, also because I wrote as it was happening, I enjoyed storytelling in actual time, I cant think of anything better to do during that.

The next chapter is about the funerals, then we continue, theres plenty more on this story, here is the in works drawing:

Im thinking for the background an oily wave, from bottom dirt to up sky, in horizontal, but I dont know if today, at least not this morning, I got too tired yesterday.

Changing topics, I havent wrote extensively, something new in a while, but I got a great idea, its a different topic, so let me change my mood, cause it is all about moods, this new story I like one day, the next I hate, then go back in circles… nah, Ill make a new post with that later.

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About: Cat Dying Days 03

Storytelling Days 02 ~Cat Dying Days~ 03

Yeah, thats Josephine at arms and Mr Cat on head, I dont know how I did it but they actually resemble. Its kind of hard to draw them cause I, sort of feel bad, because they were good and stuck around through difficult times, a sense of a home was created.

In this chapter you see the further process of the shell being assimilated by the core, she tries to make some sense of the so many years that have happened, looong term amnesia, so she is trying to do some goodbye thing as closure, that gets interrupted when Mr Cat starts dying of, basically old age.

The absorption of the shell is also a biological process, its not just “one day I decided I was”, I dont need to do research but you can read it in medical stuff, about brain plasticity, I dont know how deep they go yet I can tell you, its a big change, nerve configuration, respiratory and heart rhythm, and well, you have to consider why it happened in the first place. Aurora is too weird to even care, but normal people, I can imagine, would go through an emotional crisis too, maybe, its too much to even bother with and remain in their shell floating around for the rest of their days.

Later she freaks out because of so much sickness and pain, but theres a bunch of stuff to happen before that, theres like three chapters of Mr Cat dying and so, which complicates matters in the drawing department, cause, Im never gonna be in the mood of draw them dying, I guess Ill do random cat stuff like this on the works:

Reo is gonna be a fat cat, when I finally stop being so sleepy to do it, though I also been getting some work lately, busy, busy.

The second drawing was a remake, this is the original from a (long) while ago:

and this is the new one, kind of strange but I like how it looked in the end, the round shape of the head, though maybe its just my imagination, sometimes is hard to tell with optic “illusions”:

No, no, no… those are very very old biting marks, not dracula like, tearing type. Nah its nothing, next drawing take us to our first “Adopt a Pigeon” participant, it made me laugh that he beat me to do a couple of things, one is the coloring of the next drawing, the other is the making music for the stories, ahh, it is so necessary!! one day, one day…

Song: She called it Love

Its a must really, check it out, you can easily realize why. And the drawing, its fun and interesting too, the original black and white is from a series:

People of the Solstice

He colored her young with color pencils, she seems “full of life” enjoying her youth and party.

Songs for a Cavalier Girl

I did her old with the thin line texture thing and light colors, she was grey, her whole existence was grey, she is old, nobody wants her and she cant do a thing, blabla…. but then, at the solstice party, she can forget all about it, the “energies” create for her a sense, the drugs give her a rush, reminds me of “Im feeling good, Im feeling oh so fine, until tomorrow, but thats just another time”.

 

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About: Cat Dying Days 01-02

Storytelling Days 02 ~Cat Dying Days~ 01

Storytelling Days 02 ~Cat Dying Days~ 02

Its been kind of a sickness drag lately, with a bunch of minor illnesses on the way, but for a while now… sometimes I dont even know how I keep “the show” together, and Im talking about life, not the blogs… cause you know, without the strength to be put together, the whirlwinds go on their own… Sort of reminds me of, later in the stories, theres some difficult situations and Aurora makes a new “dark” shell, then pufff goes back to being a kid and takes the name of Little Commander, cause she was making hard decisions.

The situation solved and the “practical shell” (next picture) absorbed the dark one, then Aurora goes back to her actual height.

Ive been placing some order among the pigeons lately, for some time I just let them do whatever they wanted, which created a mess… this cycle has happened many times along the, like 3 or 4 late years, difference is this time the order will remain, which means that only the closest will keep coming. I tried doing this last year, and I did but so many of them got sick and died of epidemics that… anyway, this year I have realized that Im not and cannot be the “saint patron of the birds”, and I have 4 pigeons in the hospital with permanent stay, and, and, Im too sick, tired, poor and crazy, I cant wear down myself like that anymore.

Back to our current story, the modern core of Aurora is absorbing the modern shell, it kind of is already done, she is already there instead of her kid self “Little Wolf”, though she is still holding to give the final jump, and with a good reason she half sees coming, “Cat Dying Days” includes her, she gets very, very sick once she does, badly, “it pains to exist, ggggggghh”, because of nerve configuration change (to something closer to the original), and others.

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The last story, Mirage Days, it was:

If I were to tell you
Dance with me
Wearing the most ridiculous dress of the night
No road, no direction, no map
I will ask you to fly so high
Then crash at the sight of the most lovely kind
And you will
For you are everything I didnt leave behind.

In this story is (remember, assimilation of the shell):

If I were to say to you
Disappear within me
Tearing the beliefs you eventually had
No regret, no sorrow, no cry
I will even forget what you once tried
Then crash at the lack of the most basic aspects of one
And you will
For you are everything that was born to die.

=======

Whats with the stick? yeah, its a dumb sexual joke… that girl makes a come back later, she wants to get pregnant, then she gets (obviously not from our main character), then she has the kid and the dude ditches her, then she finally gets work at some public school who knows where, still longing for a husband, blabla.

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About: Mirage Days 10

Storytelling Days 01 ~Mirage Days~ 10

I thought this story was going to go for another five chapters or so, but after further editing the old story, I think this is a good place to end, cause cats begin to die and the Little Wolf personality starts talking about assimilation of the shell personality. ~Cat Dying Days~ is next.

About the flowers drawing, one day I liked it, the next I hated it, now I have mixed feelings, anyway… I left it kind of ambiguous of why Aurora had that “desperation” attack at the end, though is pretty obvious when reading the whole story of mania-depression, was a longing for her original personality.

You can visualize it like this, the core is compact when sleeping-amnesia, with the process of waking up it expands, until the shell gets in the way and starts crushing.

And by original I mean original, not that other thing normal people without organs do, thats unrelated to this.

Now, something interesting is why the nature of that escape personality, so nice and “lovely”, it just lasts for a chapter though, next one goes back to normal.

Thats a “cover” drawing, cause the original was made by someone else, I did a version of it long ago and again for this chapter, fixing lines, hair, background, etc. Now I like it, the last one was too simple.

I also remade the “catholic curses center, auditorium entrance” drawing for the next chapter, I could actually rescue it too, into something I like today, and hopefully tomorrow.

thats grey version, this is white version, drawing places is boooring, only done when necessary, that why I remade instead of redoing from blank. Ahh, I forgot some white at the “wrong window”, meh.

Michael the pigeon and his wife used to have a summer nest at the next open window to the rightest (out of drawing), there is a small bathroom, as much as the rest of the building, completely alone. They were thinking of making a second nest there but then they were fixing the roof and found out, then closed the window. I wonder where they learned to get inside windows……… well, it wasnt their first nest there, they had one on the tree outside that window, you could see Michael picking sticks around, and hear the dramatic coo of his wife at one of the top branches. They havent left their place at my shower all winter now.

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About: Storytelling Days 07-09

 

Storytelling Days ~Mirage Days~ 07

Storytelling Days ~Mirage Days~ 08

Storytelling Days ~Mirage Days~ 09

I have had a great idea of a drawing for this part since ever, it was the image Auroras Mother relaxing under the sun, though she didnt really like that, but most important, she didnt like modeling and all that crap, so, I didnt feel like doing it, ohhh… it was a good idea so I think I will do it next round.

Kind of new type of backgrounds, and I really like this new style of hair, in this one you can easily notice, its all dark pencil, then erasing some, then pencil, then erasing, then pencil… its easy, try it out! and I really like the white border on the characters, gives the impression of a paper cutout, Im gonna do it more often.

Nah, I dont have that pot anymore, it was second hand and too used… and thats supposed to be the bathroom but I didnt feel like drawing the stuff. Just thinking about washing the dishes bores me to death. Maybe one day Ill buy another, it is not that necessary to cook because the stomach takes care of that, and you have to be careful not to overeat, it does expand in there…

Main problem is nesting worms, but hey, thats their habitat. (and I just mix it with some water and give it to the pigeons then, so there is no waste).

Its kind of difficult to write AuAu, because of the third person Mr-Miss thing and so childish, it doesnt go along with my depressive style, but that actually was the whole purpose of this, what I call, conscient created personality. Of course theres the sharper and meaner Past Core Adult version.

I guess some people grow backwards. In other news, I changed the main image of the site to my favorite one, and also, the ~Adopt a Pi…~ program continues with Au the Squirrel!!:

So pensative, staring at the long imaginary lines while eating nuts, just like Au! (he doesn’t live here though, he and his wife, and maybe children… are from London).

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