About: Mirage Days 01-04

Storytelling Days 01 ~Mirage Days~ 01

Storytelling Days 01 ~Mirage Days~ 02

Storytelling Days 01 ~Mirage Days~ 03

Storytelling Days 01 ~Mirage Days~ 04

After the “Snow Paranoia Vacation” break with a lot of “side” stories, here a more chronological setting continues.

Aurora follows were she left at young, though this time only in her mind, and in a rush of mania as she recreates many issues that remained “unfinished”, not before a bad morning with a fake-good sugar duality.

The shell personality carries a heavy burden, but it is in love with the self.

Why would you go back to the hospital you dont like at all, though you didnt get “proper” treatment, just another place to reside for a while… just as criminal goes back to the scene of the crime, because there is heavy emotions of the place.

Youd think they would sneak to a nicer place… didnt I just complained in the last post about a certain historical character, then certain protagonist did the same here? ahhh, the complexities of life.

There is plenty of differences I wont care much to detail, anyhow:

Little Wolf after kicking a locked room door from outside- Im back! Im back! Im gonna crush you now!
Crazy kinda old dude- Ah! ah! ah! dont disturb the peace of the wise!
-Shut the fuck up! Im gonna kill you, Im gonna kill you now!
-Its the wicked dwarf of the cold mountain!
-I told you to shut the fuck up! I wont have mercy on you!
-Imp! Midget! Goblin! you never grew cause you were greedy, you come for my treasure, you come for my treasure, aaahhh!
-Hahahaha, the maggots wont even want to eat your flesh, what treasure?! old stupid fool!
-They put stones in meeeeeeeee! from out of this woooooorld, aaaaah!
-This is your end!
-You wont get me! you wont get the me! the stones protect me with energy that kills the evil, eviiiiil like youuuuu!
-Its time to die! like the stupid putrid meat you are!
-Shalawalamahakakakaka.
-Gwahahahahahaha!

And of course the obligatory travel to holy city… the mania quickly wore off as it is a rehashed situation .

I had a great idea for a new (crazy) story, not about her but the real one, and for real I mean not her, though Im gonna have to keep it at that until later, probably at the “Feather Dreams” stories of high romance, Au style.

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Coffee Drinking 30

The other day I was taking a walk around the priest making center nearby, the streets were kind of empty those days which was nice; then I noticed this girl, fatty, alone, distracted, doing the exact same thing I was doing, and she was also hearing music through headphones. (not like the drawing, I just wanted to post it again).


“Oh, so here is where the crazies walk… and Im doing the exact same thing, mmmmmm”.

Well, I do have some work, and I know tech stuff, and have the ability to create a whole social person that translates the complexity into something more digestible, blabla… the point is, I had better stuff that I could know of and buy, she screamed dependency while I can disguise it, shes too out of shape to fight and Im beyond bitter about it plus injured; these I see as small differences, the plane we both stand on, its practically the same.
The second time we went across, she did this little dance, in an obvious attempt of communication, cold hardened Au did look at her with sympathy yet could only think “Oh child, Im a few moons ahead of you”.

Havent seen her since that day, “maybe they already put her down”, well, maybe, streetsmarts would say, you never know with these people… nah, Im sure she is fine, gaining weight and throwing tantrums until the day of her assesinat… see? this stuff makes me aggressive at the evident conflict.
And to think one from this plane jumped ship to join the normals, with obvious disgust of where he was, to later turn and did the deed I was just talking about, its like, fucking idiot… few times you mean it that much, fucking idiot… I want to do a couple of long History Time posts about him, but I dont even know where to start, which has lead to stall the whole process and project, there is so much talk about, but Im stuck with this idiot, I might even throw the whole thing away.

Nah, Ill focus on my stories now that I can draw again, there is plenty of work to do.
“You pay not silver, you pay not gold, you pay with your ears, you pay with your soul”.

Thanks to to Michael Aitken, author of “What the Spirit Says” and contributed to the Pigeon effort :)

And I am formalizing Mr Pio Pii adoption… to me. You can adopt a pigeon too, they all have their little stories, just send some change every now and then to buy them food at my Buy me a Coffee page :)

History Time 04

After reading history for a while it catches on you the state of things and how large (and short, repetitive and greedy) humanity is. Eventually the question of “why dont you do something?” arrives which I easily answer, Im doing, nothing!!

Mmm, I think the apples and carriage need a little distinction from the background big apple-sky, and maybe the adorns more “oily” mmm… Anyway, back to subject.

The blessing of the other side of the apathy coin, I would need to take a side, but thats never going to happen, next is to create your own, that means assembling and sustaining an army of whatever… never… so back to being soldier of anything… how about no?… I dont really have to explain this one much, do I?

So, lets fill this post with actual content, I was thinking about something like “leviathan vs social contract” I try to avoid simplifications but its impossible in these little posts… its about the conception not of societies but of “state”, which I would call the “power to organize the people”.

Human eats human, betrays and takes advantage; they need to be together in groups so some consensus is established, but then, the betray… so you need a higher power to force order… some call it god, like the ancient gods to remind you of the fear you should have of nature, by the state of your earlier technology and men gloated in primitive impulse.

Then the change of divine from nature to man, bringing the you should be better together with the you should be more, though power will always find a way to become divine and perpetuate, now under this shade, along with this new layer of “dont be savage and behave!” at least under certain circumstances…

If you dont have liberty, its said power enshrines, If you have it its said there is no equality. Central power corrupts, social contract becomes obsolete.

“Power to organize the people”, whats its nature and where does it reside? then youll hear a thousand millions “me!!”… from brutal dictatorships to “democracies” with a hundred circus of pretend… from priests, preachers, activists, intelligence operators… to this little storyteller making time until the next drawing is being made.

This one is called “Bloodthirst”. Im gonna change the lyrics of Turning Time Around, from love to power, cause it sounds funny, haha… ew, still, interesting:
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-She says, what do you call power?
-Well I call it harry.
-Oh, please I’m being serious, what do you call power?
-Well, I dont call it family and I dont call it lust, and as we all know marriage isnt a must, and I suppose in the end, its a matter of trust, if I had to, Id call power: time.
-She says, what do you call power, cant you be more specific? Is it more than the material hieroglyphic?
-Well for me time has no meaning, no future, no past, and when you’re in power, you don’t have to ask, there’s never enough time to hold power in your grasp.

Turning Time Around.
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It sure took me a ridiculously long while for something so simple, I was offered the first of the Adopt a Pigeon program weeks ago and until today… ahhhhh…. anyway, here is Michael (to the right) and his Wife:

Now I kind of wish of have done this with so many, but so many have died its now impossible, and it brings other personal issues, so, meh… They are not that attached to me but they do trust me enough and their fear of me is low. Pigeons have this panic about humans, well, they are so tiny, and you can imagine how that instinct grew (anybody likes chicken here?). They came later after the “first wave” of friendly birds happened, but they quickly took a closet as nest, without much fear. (I do remove eggs).

In summer they go nest at a nearby large semiabandoned building called here the “catholic curses center”, they actually invaded some bathroom and nested there… they have their normal place here by my shower, its high so they dont mind about me much (and its so very easy to clean). He cut his finger somewhere around here, when it happened I noticed because of blood, he was kind of scared but soon later went back to normal. His left leg is retracted in the photo, you can see the claw. She has this peculiar Coo, very “dramatic”, its funny to hear.

Thanks to Michael Aitken at Painting, Songwriting and Poetry
There is no fee attached, of course, and he already donated a bunch of times, thanks :)

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History Time 03

I personally dont believe in the existence of the entity of satan, but the elements that form the “character” are very real and very present in human societies, one of which is, to remain hidden. So you have people from all sides making blames to the other team and justifying their own, “my people is noble and good, your people is wretched and vile”.

-By the way, this started as a comment that went too long for a post here: On the Sea of Blood

There is always the need of a positive public opinion towards war, first of all their taxes are paying for it even during peace time, and in war economies they will take as much as they need in the pursue of conquest, along with the cheap labor to construct the war, the disposable soldiers.

You rarely see genuine peace efforts, if one is made, normally is out of strategic convenience, while plans for a further attack are already being made.

Yes, some people will call you a fool and point at the imminent invasion by the lack of “defensive” measures, yet those come at a point that could have been prevented, the empire covers itself in the invisible clothes of patriotism, for you to give but never take.

As for the individuals, their mind is weak and its heavily formed by social consensus, for most its too hard to overcome, because it gives them a sense of survival against the strange, lonely and dangerous universe outside of the group. That at a base, further you have people being narcissistic about the idea of them being superior, by belonging to a group they have nothing to do with. Those who are left, are forced under the thread of violence.

Those are all excuses, facts are exaggerated, conflict is provoked, masses manipulated that are convinced to sacrifice themselves for the wellbeing of the empire. War didnt stopped because of peace, but because it grew too big.

Im not claiming I have the magic answers, just recommending not being part of it, because they dont have them either.

To avoid being just editorial, lets go to the “horrors of war” section:

Too late and without any heavy guns, without even a single antitank gun our battalion was thrown into the breach as a so-called stopgap force. The X came at us, of course, with heavy tanks and enormous masses of infantry and pushed us back. Our machine guns wouldn’t fire because of the bitter cold, and our ammunition ran out. . . Meantime the entire front was beginning to cave in, about sixty miles across. Everywhere troops were flooding back in disorder, losing their heads. In vain officers confronted them at pistol point trying to restore order in this chaos; panic had broken out everywhere. . . You saw scenes we had never witnessed even with the X, columns of troops streaming back, often several abreast on one road; steel helmets, guns, gas masks, and equipment littered the whole area. Hundreds of trucks set on fire by our own troops because they could not move them for lack of gasoline or because of the frost and snowdrifts; blazing ammunition dumps, clothing stores, food depots. The roads of retreat were strewn with dead horses and broken-down vehicles. Upon this scene of chaos there pounced Y dive-bombers, adding the final touches of perfection to the destruction. . . Shapeless huddles of misery, swathed in blankets, their legs wrapped in rags and bandages, hobbled along the roads. For four days our battalion fought on, screening this hideous retreat. By the fifth day the X tanks had overtaken us, shot us to pieces, and wiped out the rest of our battalion. I myself escaped the tanks – which took a fiendish pleasure in hounding down each of our men until he was flattened beneath its tracks – by running into a deep pit where the snowdrifts barred the tanks’ pursuit.

If I extract the X today our citizens get uneasy: ‘What’s happening to him, then?’ But did these same people care one hoot what happened to the Y who had to emigrate? We’ve got to get it over fast; it’s no better to pull a tooth a bit at a time over three months – once it’s out, the agony is over. The X got to get out of Z. Otherwise we’ll never reach a Z consensus. He’s the worst troublemaker, everywhere. And really: am I not in fact terrifically humane? During…

The equipment losses are horrifying: trucks, guns, and aircraft have to be destroyed or abandoned because we lack the fuel to bring them back. All this has a grim effect on our soldiers’ fighting morale, as they suddenly realize that they are being badly led.
Our own treatment of X prisoners is having awful consequences. In the retreat from Z we had to abandon Y field hospitals as well. The X dragged out the sick and injured, hanged them upside down, poured gasoline over them, and set them on fire. . . On another occasion Y prisoners were beheaded and their heads laid out to form the Y symbol.

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History Time 02

I could finally start to draw again, but then I cut my hand :S nothing serious but now will probably take a day off or two. With the blood loss went a bunch of bitterness that I was holding. I kind of, being doing “nothing” on purpose, normally Im very strict about my work, but lately Ive been throwing a tantrum, ahhhhh, its so pointless.

If this was a main project it would be much better organized and presented, but it is not, so just whatever comes to mind at random.

“Fascism”, Ive been asked a couple of times in person about this term, cause good old crazy Au is a teacher, bottom line is more of a buzzword than an actual meaning, the “real” thing fell pathetically on its own face. I rather like those mentioned with it, using a proper name, Military Dictatorships, on the other hand, you have Military Democ, I mean Military “Democracies”.

The figure of dictator comes from Rome, in case of emergency, a person takes special powers while the problems are solved, later returns it, thats the idea…

Every power hungry fool wants to be roman, so many call daddy to Cessar or Augustus, or whatever other emperor that cannot defend itself because its long dead. Fascism comes from a staff Fasces, a bunch of sticks with an axe, that meant leadership, authority, that of a roman official. His bodyguards called Lictors used to carry Fasces.

Socialist movements of many kinds against power systems (…to make another…) had been going on since, lets say the french revolution for modern times. Colonialism and industrial revolution created huge european empires, the smaller the people, the more disposable they became, which also created large class antagonism.

Comes WWI and peasants die in mass for no real reason other than the new german empire trying to take the old british one, funny that they had been allies in other times of glory, but that doesnt matter…

There was a military stalemate and they tried everything to overcome that, from throwing hordes of men to the barb wired, to gas weapons, to intelligence operations, the later was what actually did it.

Russia was in worst shape, and was the first to fall, to the delight of its neighbours enemies who then could forget about that front and focus on the west. “Sure, the war is won”, but the war economy had taken its toll, and being geographically next to it, the intelligence operations and revolutions took them down too, funny little thing.

With large internal unrest, they had to give up, comes Versalles, blabla, then the armies come back home to fight the revolutions and won but not completely, the chaos remains. So you end up with mainly three forces: the central power, the socialist revolutions and the nationalists.

Going back to the subject at the very beginning, Italy was at the winning side of WWI, yet they didnt get much and unrest started to happen too, along with being neighbours… a propagandist of the socialists jumped ship and became a nationalist leader after some “revelation” that led him to the “good way”… The central powers eventually allied with the nationalists to stop the chaos, and their heads being rolled… problem with Italy is that they didn’t have much going on, imperially speaking, neither the good colonies nor the industrial technology, so it was mostly propaganda the king hired and wanted to get rid of but couldnt until the very end, which also meant his own. Fascism was “returning to the glory and power of Ancient Rome”, based on, propaganda and the geographical influences. Ive read that they had “great” soldiers but their generals were bad, mmm, sure, why not.

The north did have industrial power, so the war was to continue after a break.

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Coffee Drinking 29

Between this and that and the holidays, I ended up taking a “depression vacation”, I went light with responsibilities and thoughts, it overextended yet it was worth, now slowly coming back to normality, keeping myself there would remove the “vacation” from the definition.

The history posts will continue every now and then, I wanna let go a little, otherwise I will immerse and see not end to it, I dont want that, I want to focus on my stories and that being a side dish for when I need some break time. A concern I have is people hungry for their political ideas to be dominant becoming an annoyance, and not really them but censorship, and youll end up “alone” because you angry all factions with a fair narrative. I cant imagine a worst online experience than having to defend some point I dont give a shit about, until the end of the world, just because thats the only thing some people care about.

Changing the subject, I was seeing some stuff and skulls came up, then I realized, why do I never visualize my own? probably because of death and the removal of identity by taking off the face, but then, it is my skull, and it is already there, and it comes before the face, and its ridiculous for me to ignore it, so now Ive been visualizing stances and movements of my own bones, it feels like the ultimate narcissist test, if you cant do it, youre probably sick of the head… just saying.
If youre having trouble, I guess a good start is with your teeth, those already have some personality because of your smile, and your skull is already there, whats the point of getting afraid?

A big thank you for his new contribution to Michael Aitken at Painting, Songwriting and Poetry
He kindly offered to be the first in the “Adopt a Pigeon” program, and one lovely bird has been chosen, he lives with his wife who coos in a dramatic, funny way, in my shower space during rough weather days and in a place I like nearby during the summers.

I still have to make the “official” naming and drawing, but my mind has been elsewhere in the “depression vacation” I was mentioning before, so the mental eye has been sleeping for some time, Im gonna have to force myself out of it.

Hey, wanna feel cozy, dear author?

Ill keep reading you

Check it Out!

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Next goal: Pigeon Bathing Pool :D

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History Time 01

Ok, Im gonna try a bunch of little posts about history studies and such. While I got a ridiculously high level of “preaching” in all aptitude tests I have taken, I want this to be a “interesting, now it makes more sense”, rather than an ugly hideous disgusting “I am right! follow me without a thought!” pretentious crap.
Normally I think you should start with Rome as the center, but this is just a little side project to scratch the itch, Ill write about whatever is fresh in mind, they say dont scratch cause you hurt yourself and get more, but nahh, its too late, besides, I really need to talk about something beyond myself, something you can relate easier.
First of all, I must say, I have a clear impression than any, ANY one of the factions, characters, ideologies, groups or whatever, would gladly skin you alive for a small chance of success in the big picture. They can ALL go to “hell” for as much as I care. They were-are vast empires with plenty of resources, they do not need me to defend themselves, and they all have many zealots to do that job for free.
What do you like Au? I like theater, and I like people having a change to live a decent life in peace, which goes against the true meaning of the word “sacrifice” that all empires expect of you. Also leads to realize how much the human condition seems not to be “repairable”, but then, what? I dont know, do not ask me, I am busy doing childish drawings of me and my cousin, look!

She, doesnt have such large eyes… anyway…

Most people, for whatever reason, dont bother to think much and dont bother themselves about it, they focus on their current issues and the rest is covered by instinct and their mind social networking (the late in the stories is called “the goddamn antenna stuck in her forehead!”). You have to consider before criticizing it, this is the normal state made by nature, this is “it”, something like the shallow side of the miracle of life. Of course, political entities will manipulate that social network for their advantage, facts are exaggerated, conflict is provoked, the leader looks for “the greatest end” while the followers want to steal as much as they can, and that includes your (and mine) favorite political view, justified so much.
There may be exceptions to the rule, but there is no overall “good” in stateman, the best you can get is “moderate”, down the line always someone is gonna get screwed, most probably the weak, because its easier, and then you can continue with your imperial wars with the resources you just took. War is to steal, and theres been a million wars already, what you stole was stolen plenty of times before, there is no good overall, in human dynamics only a square benefits, the “human standard” is maintained with monopolies and slavery.

Just a general view for today, Ill be more specific with this and that, see you next time!

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Next goal: Pigeon Bathing Pool :D

Drawing Commissions are open and cheap!

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Coffee Drinking 28

I think I have found new ways to improve the first story, the Aurora “book, volume, tale” or whatever, a basic part of it is the “amnesic cold” narration with some false recall elements that fit better in her future situation, which while Im not a big fan of it, I do need to keep, so if any changes come, it would be some sort of two-step phase, or maybe just leave it as it is :S and takes those arranged elements into new stories. Anyway, it is until the next cycle, and its gonna take years to get there, it seems.

I have been so very busy… Im finding a little difficult to write something about amnesia for this post, that is actually interesting and not just textbook definitions nor a boring list of symptoms.

Well, since Im a storyteller, lets go to our protagonist, Im sure it might get confusing between the “weirdness” of her base self, and the actual health problems she develops after her “accident”. An interesting part of the story is how that gets figured out, like a mystery novel not written on purpose, cause I dont really like those.
In order to make this interesting, Im gonna forget about terms and such, then go writing with the guts. First of all, amnesia sure sounds very stupid, just like that you forget about stuff, how convenient, ahhhh… “forget” is such a dumb casual word to be placed there, it is actually a change in the whole mind and body configuration, decreased brain activity, heart rhythm and breathing means automatization, which can only happen at certain range, along with respiratory acidosis which is a pain in the butt, cause some dumbasses forget to breathe enough, ahhhhh… hehehe.
Why does this happen? because the “rewire” after her “accident” does not give enough control, which leads to adaptive mechanisms as having other personalities to (blablabla), fugue state, and when things get bad enough, just blank out and reset with a very simple personality.

Take your pc, remove ram, throttle the cpu and put a traditional hard drive, thats a good example.
Ive talked about the personalities a thousand times, and while I will do it again, not right now cause it takes too long, so, fugue state, thats the way they call it, here is the “travel to another dimension”, nah, maybe some other day. Have you seen the video of the penguin going to the mountains? something like that, mmm, Ill go search it for you:

 

Doing that is, kind of a last resource, full of romanticism and heroism emotions, well, at least here. I get the feeling that the little fellow was into it too. “Look at this smile, calmed as an angel”.

As for recovery, those are the latest stories, I have to reach there yet, is not just remembering, it is sleeping beauty waking up from her slumber, the “rewire” has to reach enough control and take over the automatization, you know, as I write, as creepy as it sounds, its a heavily auto process, Im having my thoughts, but I “have no idea of how to use the keyboard”, thats a process “done elsewhere”, very fast though, Im proud, I have even done some work typing stuff, yet I have to be a good looking zombie, otherwise I freeze.
Lately I have let my hair grow large again, so I have hair, thingies, around, I often end up wearing those on the wrists, it kind of reminds me my hands are there, maybe I should try on my feet but its such a drag.
Ahhhh, I hate this self pity crap… funny video to end:

Im still preparing the Adopt a Pigeon program, coming soon!

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Help me feed my Pigeons!

Next goal: Pigeon Bathing Pool :D

Drawing Commissions are open and cheap!

Buy me a Coffee

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Coffee Drinking 27

Ive been ridiculously busy, so Im thinking of writing something lite today, something like my preferred arrange of speakers.

The main is the one at the back, “non humming” of course, and at that range you dont need that much power, which you may keep in mind if you have electronics as your life support… the one at the front is not really that necessary, I use it for my WiiU mostly, I ended up with two systems cause I couldn’t sell it, Z333, nobody wanted it because they rather liked the one with bluetooth Z337, which I fell for too, I know, I shouldn’t have but its done…. thats the one at the back, the main. No regrets though.

These are cheap and very good systems, more if you wait for a sale, and set this way, the stereo effect is wonderful and it gets more bassy. You realize a lot about your head and also perception, may not apply to you. When there is “problems”, you do compensate internally, and move on, and kind of forget.

I think I have learned to keep bluetooth audio to the portable speakers, anyway, I do enjoy it for my cellphone. For portable I recommend going for something with bass, cheap flat ones sound like crap, when you first try those it doesnt sound that bad but then you quickly realize what is missing and becomes an annoying experience. Portable is much more expensive, and will be difficult to find an ideal setting, something to have in mind. I have an xb12 and Im very happy with it, bought on sale of course, may get another in the future to make them stereo.

I would gladly be doing unboxing and stuff, I love to try electronics, but, well, Im just glad I get to try while doing my computer teacher job. The monitor is from a very rare amazon mx sale, I was concerned but they did sent me a good one, a 24inch Viewsonic IPS, youre a sucker if youre still on TN at this point. At this distance I think 27 might be the ideal size, but I havent try. Two monitors is not for me.

And this is how Au is happy, its all about cycles, all about rhythm, which reminds me, to talk about Amnesia the next post.

By the way, my wp reader has been sort of broken for a while, so I miss stuff, and its becoming too annoying :I   The other day I got a writing post dedicated to the wonderful and glorious me, I could have missed it!!

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Once more, a warm thank you in these days of somewhat cold (it doesnt get that cold where I live, though you get used to the “heat” and…) to Michael Aitken at Painting, Songwriting and Poetry
He is the first in the soon to happen “Adopt a Pigeon” program, one lovely bird will be named after him :O

Im thinking of the candidates, but I havent decided yet, I dont think I will choice based on personality, will be something more vague, cause they can be a little, temperamental, just like Au!

And talking about it, and neverending war, it will consume you to keep just moving forward, in all cruelty of convenience…

If you destroy the Olive Tree

Violence and Passivity

Check it out!

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Help me feed my Pigeons!

Next goal: Pigeon Bathing Pool :D

Drawing Commissions are open and cheap!

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Coffee Drinking 26

Ive been having such a good time putting together the next 5 chapters, greatly fun.
Those come from an old story called “The Late Very Great (Mania) Travel”, now will continue with another that was called “Nostalgia Flowers” that tells of the assimilation of the Shell personality, the boy with the reverse hat.

Mania, along with depression, you can easily get a textbook definition of, though from me its more complicated, cause it seems to me that the starting point is not very well defined, it appears to me that the sheep state of normality is always their goal, and that there is nothing wrong with it. How can you tell one but not the other? its just a bandaid then.

The true principles of “being cured” are:
1- I have enough money to tell people to fuck off, as simple as that.
2- … Nah, I could go on but it is kind of redundant.

Mania? wrong, it is artistic creation at its finest. Depression? lol no, its philosophy, you wouldnt understand cause youre a dumb rock. Obsession? what are you talking about? its expertise, you wouldnt tell cause youre a good for nothing idiot.

See how thin the line can go? its all subjective, manipulated and convenient, all under the rules of the sheep, meeeh, meeeeeeeeh, I think it would be nice to have a sheep, sounds funny, at least in idea.
How can you be not depressed in such a dire and cruel world and its history unless you live in constant denial and ignorance? How can you not be excited about the push against eternal sadness?
The key to know what is what is honesty, these are phases for you to prepare, states to overcome, not for you get stuck in them with everlasting placebo. Depression will come back, but then it will be different, and hey, you lived a little, be glad!

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Help me feed my Pigeons!

Next goal: Pigeon Bathing Pool :D

Drawing Commissions are open and cheap!

Buy me a Coffee

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