Chocolate Drinking 01

Guess what? Au is coming back!

Probably not like that… but sharper than ever, ultra arty style.

Ive been working, a looot, so I dont worry about money right now. Ill still leave the donation thing, just in case someone likes the birds, but I wont care about anything but “art”.

I think my mother would say something like: “Enjoy the artist, not the mess of their lives”. And I can clearly see that with the stuff I deeply like, so Im gonna make that happen here, which means zero marketing, zero drama, zero poor little bird, zero but art and perhaps some explanation here and then, only because its fun.

“What, do you, call art?” “Me? I call it Sherry” “Oh please, Im being serious”.

Im gonna call it, “the fun of telling a secret”.

Not about me being mysterious, not about me even, its because youre supposed to take advantage of the secret, and keep it to yourself for your own profit. Whats my profit? the fun of telling a secret.

For example, when I stopped, its been like a year of something… was because the part of Auroras cousin was staring, and I was trying to faithfully reproduce her, which was a clear mistake, I became ill in many ways, now I realize that it needs to be a “love poem”.

“Blossoms falling from the trees, they cover over you and me

Ritual flow, your Will above

You paint the road you need to see

Sometimes its the only place you can call, your home”

Feed the birds!!


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Coffee Drinking 110

So, “naturalism”.

I have no idea where that bird is, and I have no idea if she, I think is a she, still comes or went with their hoard elsewhere, as so many others before that I never see again.

You have probably heard about this and that, from anticatholic use and propaganda, liberal credos, to something more genuine. And enough of that, Im very sick from studying empires so much, I wanna vomit nowdays, its like I already know all their “exciting” stories, so all is left is… barf, on aaall and each of them. Its all just gangs, convincing you to attach to their domain, and if you dont youll be forced somehow, they are gangs after all.

Its a very selfish “naturalism”…

Most likely, mostly originated from her, or at least most put together by her, I dont know much about her parents nor growth, those who probably were living with similar ideas somehow, but she moved away from war, camps, whatever… traveling far, oh so far, without a clear destiny, no road, no home.

Contrary to others, here you may look for primal, only to go over it. You do not seek the power of others, no “demons nor gods”, here you develop your own. There is no community, hoard, group or whatever, and if there is, youre supposed to go above the structures developed, not in treason or slavery by itself, or a material reason, that most likely will attach you to the not useful, the question is a “metaphysical” thing.

This “naturalism” is based on “advanced bodily functions”, body and spirit, soul, anima, brainwaves, whatever… deeply connected in a complex web, you do exercise to strengthen the body, but for “advanced”, the spirit must come forward first, and then teach the body to do so.

Lets take a very simple dumb example, lets say you have concentration problems, while it could be something else, it could very well be that you need some peace of mind, you get it and now youre more free to actually concentrate in something else besides that what was troubling you. Now, for the good stuff, you need to go way further, something social and normal life wont most likely let you.

As Auroras Mother was explaining, they used to “take trips to the beginning of time”, language? no, you inherited it; clothes, kitchen, soap? no, not like that, also inherited; knowledge? scrap it, thousands of years.
As fun as it could be to play primitive, obviously complications arrived quickly, but it was part of the process. For normal people the most difficult is to embrace the shadows, aaaaall those explanations, true or false, that makes the normal person be less afraid about its world, existence and future.

I said body and spirit are like a web, but you can also think of it as an egg, did it hatch? did it manage to develop inside? is it still yellow? what happens if it colapses and dies? I think it is a good analogy, cause were all going to die, so, will your spirit go down with the body? “Advance bodily functions” the spirit goes ahead and then carries the body.

It seems like a, liberating thing, but, in your normal life you are most likely creating your own slavery, you cannot live without this or that… from the very simple example of, “Im gonna go crazy without my music collection and without a good bassy mean of reproduction”, which makes clear a lack of proper inner rhythm, to, something more, mmm, overwhelming.

One example I can think of this, metaphysical thing, if you wanna call it that way, is that beyond the seemly endless Mother-Daughter structures, as Aurora was drooling over her Mother, she was like, thats nice and all, but, I want to know if youre doing this only because of how much I am providing, not only material, or even biological, but beyond, as you move through planes of this and that, what would you… “feel”, about me?

I know what youre gonna say, that you cannot be what you are not, yet thats the core of the whole thing, are you gonna embrace the structures delivered and established? staying there and therefore adopting the worship of something more powerful that can deal with the inevitable end of the cycle?

Its easy to say, yeah Im going to, but you also have to abandon, well, thats the first sense, its more about moving beyond. Are you willing to leave your hoard attachment to begin with? you know, that thing that excites you about others, that makes you feel safe because of the group “taking care of each other”, the very basic instinct, can you even dominate it? its probably too strong, the signal on the antenna stuck in your forehead is probably, you know, making you vibrate all along to your deep depths, if it dominates you and dictates your life, how can you go beyond?? you dont even want to…

Instead of that antenna, change it with motherhood, Im not saying it is wrong, but if youre so attached, how are you going beyond it? can you exist beyond it?

Her “naturalism” is very “romantic”, so wealth was not a priority, though there was enough to move around, “study” and survive… while her daughters was more practical, as she inherited the knowledge and such, she was not “romantic” at all, so she developed more, predatory, ways…

It was more about comfort, and she already knew primitive from her childhood “school”. She didnt care about “things”, storage was to throw things in some room to wherever it falls, then close the door. Things were to be useful and thats it, patrimony attached to personality was poison.

Theres a later story, grandmother Aurora actually comes to visit them, not because of anything… no, no, she just realized the two were the end result of her work… mystic and might, swirling in a dance of eternal attach and reject, so she went to “study” them, and nothing else.

Once you know this map, with him included… the “weirdness” of Aurora is easily explained… I dont think she comes up with much of her own, yet she performs everything together at different rythms, if you actually want creativity, you have to reach into mystic.

Drawing in the making. I had so much work that I got sick this weekend. I find it funny, after all the years of drawing and history studying, I have finally made a job out of it, people dont give a damn in their profit centered life, yet when they are “old and useless”, they have to look “elsewhere”, which happens to be more sane than the materialistic life they usually had. Against all odds, I finally made a little money from teaching drawing and history telling, that, that is actually weird.


Help me feed the birds!!

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Coffee Drinking 109

Ive been preparing for the artistic return of me, I just had a couple of things in my mind, sort of blocked, eager to erupt in order to make sense, and I successfully made it, now I kind of move on with the mental path flowing more properly, but well, no need to write about that here, it will reflect in the stories.

Im mostly done with my hispanic-catholic studies, it is still interesting and I rather like them than any other, buuut… Im not one of them, I would rather move on with what youre going to see here, Im gonna call it “naturalism”, for the lack of a better word, and with that concept I can relate it to a history explanation, which Im gonna do either now or later, whatever it feels as I write.

First of all, Im gonna stop treating this as a product, it is not a product, it cannot be shilled, marketed, godspelled, whatever, it is not a product, it cannot be a product, I may do products one day but that will come, if it ever, much later, or in another circumstances.

So everything storyrelated I will keep here, whoever reads it good, whoever wont, fine. It is impossible to market, especially with what comes later in the story, it is a very, heavy, story.

So, “naturalism”, of course when there is not a central line, it can be a broad range of thoughts and beliefs, but the center is me so Im gonna manage two, a historic concept and the one you will see in the stories.

Theres a division between communal organization and a state sanctioned way of life, you may think that one inspires to “grow” and reach the other, but, depends… think of the fall of rome, the tyrannic, slave producing, elite centered, prosperous yet grinding, imposed order.

Of course you still have roads, and this and that high cost maintenance things, and after migrations settled somehow, what you really have is a comunal way of life, there wasnt much large distance commerce nor taxes, so work and production was focused on local necessities, and of course you didnt have the post industrial never ending profit that consumes our modern lives without rest, nor the ridiculously large populations every day needy.

So your little hispanic town organized and made a council, which in turn also organized with the next town and so, its called “natural order”, how people figure it out on their own. At that point crowns werent that powerful, neither nobles, they represented, they took care of “bigger” things, but they wouldnt mess with the local organization, something you can call “fueros”, in english something like “places”.

There are two thoughts about the first christians, one is the belief of tradition, which is the chain from “godsaves” to apostles to church, which I dont need to explain. The second thought is that nobody was really godly, and they were all basically a bunch of what nowdays you would normally call “hippies”, like monks who segregated from society to make their own communities, men and women together, with the high value of relationship and “love”, a natural order to follow for things to work out. You dont like it? youre out to be on your own, that was the sanction. Of course there was also the dude who would just climb so high out of reach and stayed there, “praying” or whatever.

The point is, at the beginning, there wasnt the rules we now know, those didnt exist, they made it on their own with the knowledge they had. If you go with the church, they built tradition; if you go with the “hippies”, what would you call it, what about, “naturalism”?

What really happened? I dont know, I wasnt there, by far. Though theres a trick in all of these, “godsaves” is truth, so nothing else can be, so the else goes into eternal conflict because they are waiting for their own.

Going back to my line, nowdays you have your stupid idolatry to a nation you have little to do with, back then identity was through ethnicity and religion (“forbidden” in the liberal order as they impose the idea of nation instead). You know, something like, “the other town across the mountains are a bunch of weirdos, but they have a beautiful church with a mass in latin, when I go I feel like home, so theyre probably good folks after all”.

You may have the idea of king as a willful ruler on a wimp, but thats also not accurate, they relied on nobles and fueros. But something happened… “some freaks on the greek side are saying the holy spirit does not come from the son, only the father, can you fucking believe it?!” or something like that and the church divided in two, just like rome.

Another line goes like “he wasnt god, so he wasnt the truth, so other seekers of truth can go along as well, aint that nice mr emperor? this way you can rule overall more easily!” the very first absolutism that took over but failed because “they have the buildings but we have the faith”.

Then saint Isabel established the (back then) modern “spain”, forged with the will of warrior kings and blood of countless martyrs, she finally put it together so they were blessed as the chosen people. Yet they had the mark of the original sin, the flesh was weak… destiny tied them with land of the east… which were not consecrated to Mary in proper time and form, she being the natural union between mortal and divine, so they fell into the abyss.

In time of Isabel there was a war with, yuck, france, which wanted to invade what nowdays is called “italy”. They were defeated not only militarily but also with a political alliance surrounding “the first daughter of the church”. I think something probably happened at the border of rome and the germanic tribes (that later invaded and eventually formed what you now call european countries), the friction was so much that it probably opened a vortex and countless demons attached to the material world, and spread with the migration.

So there comes Juana, the only daughter of Isabel left, politically married to some insufferable wanna be french narcissist, who comes from, guess where? remember the vortex? it had a shape of a twisted cross, the horizontal line is the european swamps, the vertical line goes from, yuck, france, to all the way to the infidel dark lands.

The liberal era hates Isabel because she expelled those who were chosen before her and her kind, so nowdays they ridiculously say Juana was not crazy, she was, very crazy, yet intelligent and loyal, she didnt have the strenght of her mother to fight against the demons that were above after the brotherly war and blood spilled, as her dynasty was born. The narcissistic fool? lol, he died, who would have thought?! lol, dead, and those who remained from before by “supporting” him, prepared the way for the rightful king to come back. Much later, when Juanas son was king, there was a rebellion because he was too much attached to those land of the vortex, they reach the castle she was imprisoned in, she said “yes, punish the bad in my name, come and tell me all”, yet she never gave them anything, at all, she did not betray neither the memory of her father (and probably the one of the husband too) nor her son as king, at a time she could have obtained all glory. Of course they threatened her with everything, without the queen on their side, the rebellion fell and their heads rolled later.

What I was talking about? oh yeah, naturalism, yeeeah… in short, some people embraced the vortex and “protested” instead of reforming or creating tradition, there was huge wars won by the good side, until the late part where the corruption of the good broke their structure, their kings were weak and nobles ate it all. The war was so big that with the conflict going on, a new wave of absolutism came over, “I am king because of might, and I rule over all, all sides of the war…”, the catholic spanish saved once paris from the protested horde, but they are not, notorious to be thankful.

Anyway, absolutism was then tried in hispanic lands too, in order to keep up with the war, and failed terribly. In short, the absolute french won the war at the very end and the hispanic empire broke, the island at the north could have been good, but certain queen was not able to bear a child, and died in a deep, oh so very deep sadness, if she saw the future in a vision… she is probably the saddenest person to ever live, so, so, sad… if you ever see her image, think about her sadness. Then the witch ugly sister took over and all was lost.

The lands east of france, ugh, wont even talk about. So aaaalll of those demon worshipers designed a new order, because even with monarchies being corrupted and falling, they were still of the natural order that was created from good, or god, or both (hippies or tradition or both), they needed to replace it with something else, “the positive order”.

Its all kinds of people in elites that were already stablished, who jumped ship to the other one, and remained on top one way or another, the class conflict is used as a lure for people to accept the new order, Im not saying it didnt exist, Im not saying it cannot be mitigated, Im saying it wont be solved, it is used to create an idolatry to the new order. The main operatives were mostly military, killing masses of people, from the french revolution to the world wars.

The consejos were taken by the central powers with ayuntamientos, the communal lands were expropriated, in the americas some remained in some form, as the rural (mostly native) people were the bravest defenders of the old order, up all the way to the cristeros, who if where not betrayed by the foreign leadership, would have defeated the positive revolution. Then industry came and turned life into profit. Cristeros in america and carlistas in spain were the very last line of defense, but the positive order prevailed in the end and their existence went into the shadows.

Of course Im skipping that time before when what was left of the hispanic crown disappeared, or how they butchered each other later in the war between liberals near ww2.

“But we vote now!” you sure do.

Me? I dont like much at all, even when I sound like I take a side.

What Im going with all of these, is the difference not only between the natural and the positive order, but also the natural law and the institutional natural law, for example, if you think the first christians and monks were “hippies”, then later with the orders of this and that, it was instituted things not very “communal”, like servants were introduced, chastity, segregation of sexes, classes as they were not “equal” anymore, oh, and holiness.

Thats pretty much on the political and historical side, next time will be more about the insides of naturalism, on the Aurorish side.


Help me feed the birds!!

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Coffee Drinking 108

Hello, its been a long while, but slowly Im gonna go back into artistic work again, and better than ever!

First of all, I stopped because I have a lot of birds to take care of, even when their numbers are dwindling and systems are properly functioning, it is a looooot of daily work to have things in shape, and at some point the hospital was more than full, later many recovered and I let go, I dont get that much sad anymore, “you can leave? great!”.

Normally they dont come back, as they leave with the flocks passing by, but he does and gets close to eat, “es mi pajarito blanco” said with a retard face.

So I started to get so much work, that I normally wouldnt want and play extra difficult, yet, I have too many bird expenses, if I didnt take it, it probably wouldnt come back later, so I did, and to these days I still have a lot to do.

I find it funny that it was dying, I was getting nothing, then the flu came and it accelerated the need of common people for technology, now the range of adult people I work with have accepted technologies as necessary, when before they were very reluctant of.

And then something weird happened that took me months to assimilate… instead of being “dark cloud exploding” depressed, now Im just deep depressed, which is nothing in comparison.

At first it felt weird and funny, so Ive been slowly sewing, constructing this new reality, while working a lot and taking care of the birds. And Mr. Bunny of course.

And that includes the new stories, in my mind, and those I didnt complete, now I have more tools, more views, more everything, so its gonna be great.

Like the story of Aurora going to live with the Actress because she had nothing else… while she does it for a ridiculously large amount of money. Theyre very different so theres many conflicts, comedy style, because money fixes it all, like Aurora buying a cow and bringing her to the house, to keep staring at her, “Mr. Cow, you are amazing” and keeps staring.

Auroras ways gets in the middle of their daily normal life, in a very annoying way, but money fixes everything. The actress has her own, emh, way of special, but its not compatible with Auroras, for example, she is very fond of eastern witchcrafty, and “afrancesada”, frenchy, which in this context is a bad thing, you see, Ive been living here for a loooong time, and I have grown attached to hispanic stuff, not the liberal era crap, the good stuff, Isabella style… they’re really fun: violent, smart and straightforward, theyre a great show to study, and understand the essence of where I live.

Afrancesada comes when they lost their strong kings and endless corruption ate their empire, then the people lost the way by attaching themselves to the french witchcraft, and they fell from the sky, they were the chosen people, as others before them rejected the offer, and in time they did as well, but there are some still there, resisting. Its a long very interesting subject, but I have no time to write it in this already long post. Im pretty sure long ago Mary appeared to someone asking for the consecration of france, but it wasnt documented and it just didnt happen.

Clueless, guideless, those who want a taste of power, embrace both witchcrafts and more, and Ive been teaching people the truth of their ways, not that much in an evangelization that I wouldnt follow so there is no point, more in a “now you know the truth, you wont play fool around me”.

And the Actress is heavily invested in the liberal era, between the lines of a soft easy god and “I want the kingdom but I dont want god in it”. So she practices these witchcrafts, and then comes Aurora, I dont know if on the cow, breaking the door, dressed as a tercios soldier or as a carlista, loudly shouting “Demon, away from her! Au and close, my love!” and then she charges on her and the demon having a delicious feast on her.

But Aurora, what about…?



What about it? … and all the weird little things like little Aurora not having a name, nor school education, nor social interactions, or where they came from, or where the money came from… nah, thats different. Hehehe, even the two sexes is told as a goal of that other withcraft, you take it ritually from the woman, you know, the lowest form of life that attaches you to the world with desire and birth, who then in their next life will become a man, and the teacher with both sexes loses desire, attachment to this world, and you “reproduce yourself” creating “mystical powers”!!!

“Oh, but I only do the exercises and look at the pretty circles” you can fool yourself all you want, I dont actually care about your “curiosity” and godless idolatry (saying with a proud face looking at the horizon).

Changing the subject, Ive been taking care of a bird who lost part of his beak to an infection, and Ive been handfeeding daily for some months, sadly oh so sadly he is having heart problems, he will die today most likely… and Im really tired of all the work, but also looking after him at night, which turns out is a very good combination for having very vivid dreams because of the deep sleep and awareness of senses.

So tonight I had this, casual story on my mind, sort of an allegory to the Reo personality, with beauty anime graphics, yet with an adult theme instead of teenage crap. There was this guy, living with his sister, and there was many pretty girls around, all casual, but then, he started to show growing signs of depression, and things that were normal turned into dark, all casual still, like he collected in his room not birds (hehe) but a lot of travel bags and luggage, this is a “show” so it was first presented as funny in the light, but in the dark “oh, he was preparing to leave… really? where?”.

Then it ended with this sweet melody, like ending song, kind of stupid but it sounded good… one of the girls noticed and she is telling him like, “youre showing a (like baseball) strike” youre showing a depression of you to the social circles, but it can be fixed, you still have a chance. It was actually in spanish: “Denonotas un strike, denonotas un striiiiiike….” with a sweet melody, denonotas, as many words I write, doesnt exist, its denotas, like “youre showing a real aspect of you” a strike, the depression came to the surface. If I remember, that I doubt, one day Ill make a good story out of it.

Well, Ill be back soon, Sor Juana didnt come back to her artistic work, as she embraced her vows in order to save her soul… but Ill be back.

This is a song of gods most beloved angel talking to his old love, the next song of the record has gods answer, through another anger perhaps, “…youre so cruel…to stay with you, Id be a fool…”.


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A Girl Named Aurora 02 ~Blood Circles~ 07

-Youre very knowledgeable.
-With Mother was different, cause I was made of, I can sense it.
-Yes, I know it… which reminds me, youre lucky you dont have a, weird brother.
-I dont babysit, specially retards.
-No, no, would be much older.
-I dont like anybody.
-At some point, I really prepared myself, but didnt happen.
-Maybe she killed it.
-Nah, I, dont think so, it wasnt a problem, on the contrary, the rush of it, would have been.
-I dont like weirdos, and Im not sharing anything, idiot, grrrrrrrrr!
-What about her?
-What about?
-Shes crazy.
-Youre crazy.
-I thought your mother was exaggerating, because of her brother, but I should have known better.
-I was thiiiiiiis close, to keep her back then.
-Will she ever speak english?
-I like her this way.
-I dont speak gibberish.
-Thats because youre dumb.
-She is crazy.
-I am not interested on you speaking to her, besides, Mother speaks funny too.
-What funny?
-You never heard her? see? Im more important.
-Thats because you dont realize how much she was, amh, mmm.
-If you were to do the same.
-I tried but I cant.
-They tell me is under control, but I doubt it.
-The hell youre talking about?
-Her, mania bursts.
-Are you going to speak english or are you too stupid to do it?
-Im not sure anymore.
-Youre the one who came up with it!
-Theyre too poor, theyre so easy to control, but…
-Im keeping her no matter what.
-Well, theres no one else, is there?
-Enough babbling, I already said yes.
-Its just for a while, if I bring them here, and things dont work out.
-Its not a question, Im keeping her.
-Im not removing them from their life just to kick them back, its easier this way.
-What are you going to do?
-Im gonna sharp and cut again, its been too long with me.
-Drunk on the sofa.
-Its not like Im willing to go back, Im just doing it out of stubborn pride.
-I had plans of moving out, of everything, once there was nothing else to actually win, yet, time moved even faster than that.
-Mother talked funny too, though Mother hid it from me, for some reason.
-Its not like that, but the same, she didnt want you to.
-Im gonna rub on her freckles, I tell you in case those stick and you dont recognize me.
-Where is your pride and dignity?
-With her, you change.
-She can speak however she wants, because thats what I want.
-Thats going to be a problem.
-For those who are, against.
-Youre not helping her.
-Help what?
-They already kicked her from school because… aaah, nevermind.
-Want me to go back? I can do the same again, easily.
-Lets not bother ourselves.
-What did you do at school?
-Nothing, really, nothing at all.
-Mom and you, do what you do, but when I do, you complain.
-Mmm, you really like her, dont you?
-Im giving her my rubber duckie, but if she wants to eat it, then I wont.
-Well, If things work out, Ill find them something to do.
-Im not “obeeeeying” you, Im catching her, have it clear, I dont like changes.
-Are you going with your mother?
-Yes, among other I must do.
-Im not sure about that, shes crazy.
-Where is your pride and dignity?!!
-So, thats how it is.
-I bet she is old and ugly.
-Not yet, worry not.

-Dont move anything, it must all remain the same.
-If I like it there, Im gonna buy a cow.
-Ahhh, ah.
-Didnt you want a duck?
-I want many, but this is important.
-Ahhh, I, it just hit me.
-How much youre gonna, grow, while youre there, on your own.
-I dont listen to you anyway.
-I dont mean grow, I mean, youre probably too much for them.
-This is it, Im gonna marry her, thats why I need the cow for.
-As a present?
-No, I just want it.
-You do have enough for a few farms.
-Do I bring it all? kind of annoying.
-Wont you get mad if I lose it?
-No, take it with you, just in case.
-Case of what?
-You never know.
-What if I forget it or something?
-You dont.
-What if I wanted to?
-Take it, its my gamble.
-It is miiiiiine, from Mother, not yours.
-The risk, Ill back it, the gamble is mine.
-Now I dont even want it.
-If, for whatever reason, something happens, just take it and live with her, you wont need anything.
-You dont tell me what to do!
-Does she even want to, marry you?
-She tells me secrets, whispering, licks licks, to my ears, though sometimes she screams.
-I make fun of you, but, as years pass by, someday, mmm.
-I told her how to kiss, cause Mother taught me to, now she likes it.
-She didnt like it that much before.
-Youll be happy then.
-Of course! Im always happy, except when Im not.


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A Girl Named Aurora 02 ~Blood Circles~ 06

Would it be easier back then?
Creating a huge movement yet expecting to do so
To launch, to break, to survive
Impulse instead of resistance
It is not that Im even interested
Its just the path that I either discover or create
I dont know, not even about the fog I care much
Its not like Im stepping on mud to the knees
Waiting for a piece of metal to go through my head
Yet somedays I want to hear the bones crack
Of course those are not mine
I certainly wont hear where I am
If I didnt know better I would say its all fantasy
Yet I do and I know its the fuel to consume
Conquest, and you dont ask why.

I do can live whatever I want
Like nothing, then contemplate
The mystic powers and the adventurous sense
I wouldnt believe she could dry and manipulate the life of others
If I didnt see it myself, though its probably, a chain of events
So when it met my grey, everything went inverse
It actually makes sense, me not being me would have been death
On the contrary, she was made
Oh, I so much regret, not her nor the lust, but the process
Realizing now, I feel so frail, lost and out of my way
And there is nothing to come back
At least I had floor under my feet, but now
Im not scared of falling though
I nowdays tend to brag about myself
Then I come here and there is not much to do
I think, drink, contemplate
And her, I used to never think about it
But she does, looks, is, like me, perhaps
Or a weird mix, yet the elements are there
Thats likely the reason we never, mmm
Touch, stare, or ask
As long as one exists, the thought of the other is assumed
Its so bothersome to believe otherwise
And theres no reason to do as well
Oh, she is different, I dont know if she has noticed
Nor cared to figure it out
She does think too much too yet
When she finally moves
She grew too fast, I wonder if she can realize her own strength
She keeps breaking stuff, I dont think she cares
That makes us very different
She, doesnt calculate, either arrogance or the lack of need
Most likely both, and she is not cold
Because she doesnt need to lie
She doesnt play any mind games, she doesnt have to
I was educated to value the skill more than anything else
The invisible sword of the emperor
Meanwhile she will tell you the truth
Then overcome disadvantage by crossing the river, the forest, the hills
To go back at you and punch you in the face
Yes, she is that stubborn, that, naive, and strong
Then she would laugh, telling she was right
Thats probably what happens when youre born without fear.

After everything, I dont know what I want out of me
So I tell you that you can do whatever you want
The end of a conquest, of a Prince without a Princess
The King has stepped aside to live his secret life, and the Queen
Oh, the Queen, its too late, isnt it?
She sealed the fate with her age
Unless I lose it and I drag her casket across the land
Forgetting to let go, because I cannot face the else
Else that is the center, and the inside oh so deep.

I cant believe it actually didnt happen
Though I havent for a while, therefore I am here, with her
I prepared a long time ago, from the very first reject
From the very first time, the decision and the path were made
From Mother to Son, Im just sad because I wish it was more
And you cannot buy time, what I had wasnt enough
And you, your skin smells so new
What will you do about grey?
So young and already deeply scarred
What does your sense of adventure taste like?
I do not cry for her, because I prepare for the same fate
Funny, how it makes me feel alive.


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A Girl Named Aurora 02 ~Blood Circles~ 05

You dont look that strong, well, youre older
Yet its time to carry
No one else, It must be you, its a delicate operation
Its a nice distraction from the numbers
Enjoy it
Just stay near me and avoid eye contact
And do slow movements
It would be a sign of aggression you really dont want to
Give me that!
Its fine
I could carry all but it would be
Youre driving me here anyway, so
Dont make a fuss if she hits you
For your own good.

I told you it wasnt that difficult
Is she that scary?
I actually find it a relief
She can fight by herself
She doesnt need me that much
And, I guess Im used to
Arent you glad?
Me sharing this, opportunity with you
This is what trust and its sharp edge looks like

-There you go.
-Dont spend it all like an idiot.
-I will invest it properly.
-Did you have any expenses?
-Theres so much you could buy.
-Mother needs to approve.
-Oh, ok.
-I dont want anything.
-If you see, whatever, its fine, just, keep things quiet.
-I like quiet.
-Was that, an order?
-You know I speak fast.
-The less you talk the better, be assertive.
-Sure… was that an order?
-Mmm, no, just, something, I was told.
-My mother.
-Mother told me to crush to pieces any fool that crosses a line.
-Fine, but quiet… would be nice if it was, quiet.
-I like quiet.
-If you dont like the food, throw… would be nice if you put it in the trash.
-Ill think about it.
-It stinks.
-To some degree, in an area that does not affect me.
-Are you going to leave that there?
-Ill plan its destiny once I get the time.
-Mmm, ok.

Dont move
Come on
Only for a moment
It is just in case I dont make it
I dont know the extent of its usefulness, though
Its the truth, nothing else
Would you please?
I know, I know, yet
I thought it was a good idea
No, no, and neither that
No, thats not it, Im not playing games
Its just, the truth
What? no, you dont even know anybody
Do you want to?
Yes, useless
But I already brought the camera
You dont want to because your mother didnt
See? I knew so, its so easy sometimes
Wanna hear something funny?
You can name yourself however you want
And then change it the next day, and the next
Me? no, Im already on registry
I guess if I really wanted to… but I dont
Im too jealous of my name
Way too much, you already know why
Yet youre young, you can do whatever you want
No, there is nothing, seriously
You know how special your mother was
Why would I go against her wishes?
Now that I remember, it would be so troublesome
Soooo, troublesome and annoying
But at this point I dont care anymore
Whatever, I dont mind
Its all so, tiresome, and Im
I can do whatever I want
Problem is, theres nothing I really want
Whatever you decide
Its fine
Except getting sick
I had to come running the last time
Sorry, sorry
I had, I, I thought a pipe broke and was getting flooded
Alright, should we smile? I have no idea.


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About: Blood Circles 04

Ahhgg, its gonna be a month since I last posted the story…

It came out very well, though later I did shut down, then work, then I got a flu that was under control until I did a ton of work for a few days, and housework. Then I also lost a job that was constant, because the person is old and sick, and that was my bird food income job, so Im making up with other stuff, work projects I hadnt done but now Im catching up, photo collections, more investigations, blabla.

Which furthers the shutting down, and “Im not gonna make anything better than this” last chapter, emotion, Ive been really closed lately, but then the lack of meaning strikes, and Ive been struggling with opening my emotions once again.

About the story…

The first part is about Aurora and her Mother, she is saying “how come youre not afraid of me? you little… everybody else is”.

It is a long story, and Im trying to portrait “as is”, Im not interested in half baked morals, dumb messages, or feel good crap, and I also dont like fantasy, so a realistic portrait it is, if Im good enough, youll be able to catch the feeling of actually being there.

I do need to go at least a bit further into Grandmas Aurora and her daughters, emh, naturalism activities…

Sadly, I cant say that much without going into trance, same with the next.

After the birth process, everything else is dessert, thats the way I see it.

Though it is not about what I think, theres these many stories that you inherit, but youre not actually in, so, its kind of difficult to proper storytell without making stuff up, something Im deeply avoiding, I want this to be the final version, and move on.

For the next story, I wanna do something different, but I still dont know what, maybe something like the hair.

Dont be ridiculous, you had to be born somehow
Like you get to decide anything
I barely do… so, if I dont, Im not that much interested
I actually enjoy grey
It does help you sleep, so easily
“And then, I dream of you a lot”
What? I would never say that
Im not into, poetry, I, I dont have to
I already have it all
Do you? why would you say so?
Youre such a foolish kid…
Dont you know? you already have it all.


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A Girl Named Aurora 02 ~Blood Circles~ 04

How come youre not scared of me?
Youre just some idiot little kid
That dumb, stupid smile of you
I would do such awful things to you
What if I locked you in a small place
And then just forget?
Whats there to care?
Or if I throw you from the roof
The sound of the wind, and then just poof
What about breaking you in tiny pieces?
I could have easily before
When you were even more defenseless
But I guess, you would enjoy it
Thats probably why I didnt
Youre such a bother, and annoyance
Drooling idiot, ignorant fool
I wont give that pleasure to you
I wont be tricked, but hey, come on!
How come youre not afraid of me?!
Even he gets an occasional chill
Then blames it on reaction
And he has destroyed so much
Without a single second thought
Thats why he is so beloved
None of them have his cold blood
Nor his looks, to make it all seen
Maybe youre too young to remember
Even the snow is red tainted
But the earth didnt quite like it
Thats why now you dont see a thing.
You do see, when I was your age
Well, if you were to know
Then youd realize why
Im not even afraid of death
Nor by instinct neither thought
Yet you…
You, you, you, you, grrrrr
You put thousand pins in my mind!!
If you ever were to…
Im gonna strangle you myself!!!!

Of course I would bring her here
If I were to capture her, or something
But what if you dont like her?
How are you going to respond if she says a single thing you dont like?
Yes, about something important
Im not gonna do it anyway
Theres a reason I havent before
It wouldnt make any sense, at all
It wouldnt be me doing it
Were too cool, and cold, and calculating
Its barbaric, I dont even enjoy the idea
Its like I lost her too
And the fate she wants to set upon me
I have done a lot of things yet I have never been angry
You know, really angry, not just upset, because
Its not part of the game, it would mean your calculations were a miss
Its pathetic, its shameful, admission of defeat
Under our gamerules, how life must be
My strength is to hold me, weakness would be to hold her
Ive been thinking about it because we kissed the other day
Really close… I havent been able to move on
Maybe if I didnt feel such general disgust
Their scent mixes with the lowest, braindead nature
The last thing I want is the burden to carry a sack of meat
You have such a natural way to punch at things
When I do, its full of bitterness
“Its like a little dessert” she says
I cant stop thinking about it
I tell you, because youre the only one who understands
Of that I am sure, hehehehe
Hey, dont hit me
What did I even say?
Maybe its because youre so tense all the time
You grew those arms
Hey, relax
Hey, dont bite!
Dont be ridiculous, you had to be born somehow
Like you get to decide anything
I barely do… so, if I dont, Im not that much interested
I actually enjoy grey
It does help you sleep, so easily
“And then, I dream of you a lot”
What? I would never say that
Im not into, poetry, I, I dont have to
I already have it all
Do you? why would you say so?
Youre such a foolish kid…
Dont you know? you already have it all.


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About: Blood Circles 02-03

This is the actual start of the dark cloud, the same you see much later when Aurora begins to tell the story.

It wasnt always like that…

It sure has taken me time, but I was extremely busy… Im not gonna talk about that anymore, its sick and its dumb, only artwork to see me through.

Theres an interesting post about it, by Lucy, here:

Have You?

In short, “do you create about your personal you?”

Your secrets, your inner rooms… Im gonna say yes and no, first the later, deep personal doesnt follow a “theme”, it will be awkward, it wont fit, it will be too complicated, it tends to revolve around itself, from “who gives a damn?” to “youre utterly disgusting”, so, whats the point beyond some personal relief?

Yes, only through artwork, which is the reason I stopped talking about me in the Coffee Drinking posts, it was overtaking the actual art, so I am done with it, until artwork is done or at least something very worth to say.

Are your passions valuable enough to create artwork with? Im a very arrogant person so I wont even answer, hehe, and Im sure nobody is gonna like the young Aurora once the dark cloud develops further and she starts fighting adults.

Its very different to say “Oh, when I was young, I was such an angry kid”, like, so what?

I have this anger
Unborn, untamable
The only reason it hasnt manifest
Its the soft and nonfertile
So sad, mind of a pitiful child
Who has failed and now has no heart
Now only has its own hands to bite
After burying the nails in confusion
Sparking the firesome rage that
Hey, I already complained about everything in sight

See the difference? now its not only about me, but about being angry as a kid is useless because youre too stupid to do something about it. I am not even that interested in myself, unless I can make a proper storytelling, I already lived it myself, you need to raise a new passion with artwork, now it is something worth remembering.

And finally, is Mother Aurora telling Auroras father about what is told at the last chapter of “Beautiful Mother”…

Im actually speechless about it, I dont know what to write, when I get to do it, was because I reached a trance state and it came on its own. Probably because they fought and separated. I do realized Im surrounded by birds because of it, theres no way Im this crazy on my own, I would never by myself.

Theres like two or three more chapters of Aurora with her father, then…

Im gonna remake this. Her parents are pretty useless, and Aurora is as difficult as ever, with the growing dark cloud that only fades at times like this. “Favorite Dancing Hour”, as Aurora is ready to smash the TV, but then… “Its a baby show… with a baby song…” and she bursts with laughing at her grace.

You could say she is more weird than Aurora, but her parents gave her a normal, poverty, life, she wishes it was better yet she enjoys, she is her lovely self though she is cautious not to bring the wrong attention, she lives under the boundaries that you can call a normal life. Aurora on the contrary, her parents gave her a life where no such limits exist, to the point of considering those ridiculous. So you have two kids, nearly the same age, at the same small room, but coming from very different worlds.

Its probably even a privilege, of her being able to go so deep into her grief. Her anger will meet the Passing into Adulthood trials. Eventually the fire recedes, and the cold becomes depression. Much later hope finally shines, as she reimagines her world.

And I will be there
Where you had to wait
And I will find you
Where the wind became stale
Dont you know this place is actually great?
Theres nothing to really hate
Surrounded by factories and storage gates
But we, a date in the park
Sweet colored sky
Stepping stones all ground, mixed and dry
Under the shade of a tree they may cut another day
Dont you know? were not alone
A million insects do the same as us
And just like them, we will move when the time comes
And I will tell you of how we played
Then, walking on the sad notes of a common day
We will talk about it, happiness.

It sure took a while… happiness.

On other news, Ive been attending seminar classes, the basic course of church history, its been so interesting… or better said, Ive been watching videos while fixing computers or having dinner. I know, I know… you need to live some decades in hispanic lands, then you get it. Ill probably, if I even have the time, write a couple of history posts, interesting stuff of this and that, and a comparison between the religions, including the liberal one, you know, they won, nowdays most are liberals, even when they call themselves otherwise, youre just confusing moderates with radicals, and they are fighting among themselves, because of class conflict, idolatry of nation, puritanism (method over person, leading to authoritarianism), or whatever.


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