About: Normalish 05-06

Snow Paranoia Vacation 05 ~Normalish~ 05

Snow Paranoia Vacation 05 ~Normalish~ 06

And the Actresses relate, to the Actor who comes home late

After the plays have gone down, and the crowds scattered around

Im gonna put that as this notes site subtitle, and about the Normalish story:

Problem is, he is overstaying for one more chapter, because he is “worried”, bla bla…. so some uterus speaking is gonna happen, dreadful stuff.

I find it so funny, all the crazy taken so lengthy seriously, and then he comes one day to easily state the truth: “…just a little girl phase…”.

Ahhhhh, I could have written encyclopedias about, no fun!

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Coffee Drinking 13

It is not like its too much work, its more of a, kinda hurtful challenge.
Its way easier if it is your own stuff, then you are just describing, but when youre making a story about “other”, things get so complicated, as it makes a dark cloud on its own.
“…wouldnt it be great if he had done an album with each song about a different ((mental illness))? all with complex language, being right there, no explaining…”

If I were to meet you under the summer breeze
Im having a hard time remembering how I was
And how could I possibly be talking to you
Did I even had the courage to approach a girl like you?
I think I have died, a bullet pierced me by the snowy paths
Now that I have met you under the winter blitz
It, has taken my heart away
I dont control myself anymore.
Should I cry? should I beg?
Should I throw myself to your arms?
Are you, scared of me?
I am, scared of you, yet I will never tell
About the killing bullets and the mud
Cold starvation, frenzy drug overdose
Caught between the twisted stars
Treason execution and poverty endless line
Faulty sinful map that brought me to you knees
Earth flames then freezes to a halt
I left what was left of my soul inside your tights.

It also becomes a race against time, you cant be breathing that air for too long, the sparks of excitement and emotion gets you going, but, thats it, the rest is a slide in the spiral of the progress of a, lets call it ((mental illness)).
The anger, the depression, the making sense about pain, the run around something a thousand times to find a crack and take shelter, then falling another level, and of course, death, I mean, it was not about me, so yes, they have to die.

Its easy to see why they have a portrait
Of the white and black in eternal fight
And I dont want any of those
I dont want any of them
I believe that, and wait
And now that I see you play around
I think I finally realize what I didnt have
To create, energies from the self
I have grown wings that cannot fly
Then I waited for that day
When you learn how to fly.

If I could be anything in this world that dies
I would be you and say, theres no note just say a lie
But the funny thing is what happened to his nose
It grew until it reached his own torn toes
I threw peanuts and salt, with leftovers from lunch
Oh, he knows, he said
Tell your friends to take care of the rest
Now all the teeth are calling out for you.

Happiness of Marionette 05 ~Ashes to Illusions~

 

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Coffee Drinking 12

Yesterday I was so busy, though I could hear music along the way… and I was thinking as I heard a theatrical work about people obsessed with lust…

Im only young once, I want to taste it all and have fun

I have no real feelings in my soul

Where most have passion I got a hole

So many of them that say, they do

And I know its true, but I, but I, I dont love you

“Why do you cheat on me?”

Your love means zero to me

You have your feelings I have mine

I spit upon you and change my mind

If I could give you a rope…

Your love means zero to me

I said to myself, wouldnt it be great if he had done an album with each song about a different “mental illness”? all with complex language, being right there, no explaining… he is already dead, so, if someone is gonna do it… ahhhh, its waaaay too much work!

Which reminds me of that story that “””explains””” Grandma Auroras migration…

Chu Chu!
Goes the train
Like Baba said, holding the spoon, stirring soup
Dont be afraid, if you get, look at the sky, feel like a bird

Chu Chu! goes the train
Chu Chuuuuuuuu! fast again!

—

Nah, thats not the depressive part, Ill continue next post :O

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Coffee Drinking 11

The third week flu wants to become a forth, and the back problems are here to stay, so today Ill just post some drawings I made a while back.

She is way more japanese than I am, yet you can see her eyes, mmm, maybe Im just lazy about drawing myself.

Just a little rotation to the left and…

This one is about a memory, they ate that candy the day she got pregnant.

Thats her mommy, can you imagine?

Talking to “yourself” in the mirror.

Drawing in the make for the next chapter, maybe tomorrow Ill be able to continue, I dont know :( I feel like dizzy puking right now :C

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Coffee Drinking 10

I am having a hard time with the nude stuff, because it brings many questions I need to solve.

First of all, the style, at the start I thought of going for realistic, until I quickly realized how bored I was. Then I tried a few others blabla, I need to feel something, like a videogame you want to play, I think Im gonna go with something like this.

Second problem, worst than the first, I have to draw women in submissive poses, which…. mmm, not really a fan of it, though I cant deny because thats the nature of the act and structure, yet… mmm, just, mmm, why am I doing this in the first place?

And the third is not much of an issue, its actually good news, I get lazy and I want the drawings to be self stories, but when I properly draw something, then the stories quickly develop in my mind, like her, dont you know? her husband hits her very hard :O

Nobody is gonna hit me, so I need someone like her. and hey, I get to draw some eyes, cause certain someone…

I like these very much, but at the same time, I dont ever want to do them again, I already have eyes, I want to see what I do not. Ah, decisions, decisions…

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Coffee Drinking 09

I was too busy today, so I couldnt work on the nude thing, and, its late, Im sleepy, kind of headache… pictures of bread.

Stealing bread from a house.

Stealing sweet bread from a store.

Eating stolen bread.

Stealing bread, future edition.

Eating bread with disgusting meat, tricked some dude to buy it.

Eating a taco (he didnt pay for it).

And thats not really bread, so Ill stop here.

“…Au, I think there might be a problem…”

Yeah, no worries, I fast when I have eaten too much.

More stolen bread.

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Coffee Drinking 08

Its been a long while, but if you happen to remember the “Taken by the Demons” story.

at the beginning comes the breakaway of that shell personality, the start is about luck, you cant be really “evil” without it, right?

And with that, he was then able to hang around some girl prostitutes who worked around the corner.

Having money is nice, though he was more much more than that.

Eventually she gets murdered, which is something that actually happened in real life, it seems it was about jealousy or whatever, I have no idea of what she looked like though, just gossip and news articles.

The owner of the place, or someone, set a cross on the sidewalk where she died, it was well kept, she was probably missed.

In later years, some mafia murders on civilians happened and to put a band aid on, the government closed a bunch of these places, only related to the matter that because of bla bla. People like girls, I always thought it was a bad move.

Some time passed and they are opening again, but they removed the cross, moving away from the past.

In a related issue, I may do nude… sketching, hahaha.

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Coffee Drinking 07

Its been said that living in the great cities gives you the advantage of just ditching people things are not working out with, be it business, relationships, group of activities, whatever; its an immense sea of people and there are always more that you can possibly think of.

I grew up in the country so, while I cope saying it is convenient, I find it hard to call a place in the city, “home”. Its like living in a tuna can and saying “oh, but Im very safe” :S

I miss the open spaces, the freedom of movement, the huge trees and large bodies of water. The whole pigeon thing from me comes from watching ducks and wanting to have one as a pet, though they had a different idea of life than living with me :I

I think I rather keep the idea of moving just in my mind, cause now Im sick all the time and I dont have the energies of youth… so, if I were to come back, things may not be, such fun.

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Coffee Drinking 06

While still having a flu, back ache, and ultra tired because of pigeon hospital duty; I dont want to stop posting regularly, besides the stories and drawings, but that has its own times.

So for this my head is kind of a mesh, cause I dont know if I want to go “random”, besides storytelling.

My main problem is that I dont want to start bitching like an idiot while describing about the structures of the normals, Im not saying its wrong or mean, its basically going into politics, when what I want is a storytelling approach of life.

I dont want to say that I have the monopoly of “goodness”, that everything else must be erased, that I have “enlighten” ideas that only remain in that while the hungry savages kill each other for more.

I want to be faulty, and I want to be bad, I want to be able to make mistakes, and that comes from actually being “good”, whatever that is.

“I am always right, cause if I werent, I wouldnt be doing the things I do”.

Though it seems like escapism, in the neverending materialism, people will want your guts to pour someday, its the end of the country, its the end of the race, its the end of the planet, its the end of the summer.

“The madness of silence
That’s what music is
Escape from the violence
This is where the void begins”

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Coffee Drinking 05

Ive been having a miserable time lately, though it is more like this

Structures are working so I am happy, very. Now the problem is not still having a flu, is not that I hurt my back because of the right side twitching (I cant have roman dinners anymore :O not that I had any), is not because of seven pigeons being in the hospital right now (lump in the wing area, bla bla, already freed 4), it is because I tried to find a drive in drawing by itself, I love it, but it is so freaking empty that it becomes dry and annoying, it hit me very hard as I realize how dull and grey any shape can become.

So as always, I desperately need the writing in order to do anything, and I have the map for the rest of the Normalish story, five chapters, one with the “adoptive caretaker the first” Blonde Woman, another with Auroras father, another with the Actress reaction “oh I dont know why she wrote that letter” sort of a rejection kind of thing, and the final “Dear Cousin of Mine:” if I ever do that, I may finish with the Actress, or something “Farewell Song”.

And between those theres a “hospital” chapter, which is the problem that made me block in the first place, there seems to be romanticism around, so theres the motive for a drive, but I hate it, I really hate it, its the worst…. so much that I stopped doing this post for hours, just thinking about it makes me mad.

I dont have to explain it, why I hate it, right? it is, really, really bad.

but you cannot leave, you keep blacking out

or whatever you may have, just run away, listen to what I say… though the problem is way more complex than that, probably the reason it sucks so much.

But in the future, I learned my lesson, Im more proud and stubborn than ever, cause it really, really sucks…

that I cannot find the romanticism for it.

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