About: Lost Mighty Wolf 03-06

Happiness of Marionette 04 ~The Lost Mighty Wolf~ ch 03

Happiness of Marionette 04 ~The Lost Mighty Wolf~ ch 04

Happiness of Marionette 04 ~The Lost Mighty Wolf~ ch 05

Happiness of Marionette 04 ~The Lost Mighty Wolf~ ch 06

The story continues and the, emh, peculiar situation Aurora is in becomes very evident to her, the knowledge was always there but now is the time to face it.

Overcoming the trap that became the shell personality, the boy without a heart, then an explanation of whats going on, a solution for the old problems and the configuration of the “new” ones, but hey, the point is to keep playing, not to win.

Youd think she wants to find her trust fund and inheritance, but some people just live in another dimension.

You know, if Reo was a real boy, this would have turn pornographic really quick.

Theres new stories on the works, a new one between a painter and a model, their company, her life and his past, it comes from the whole actress thing, difference is the setting, they are actually together and he is very shy, its gonna be so romantic, and sad, Au style.

Another is the Doctor Adventures, taking a walk on the normal side, shell style, Aurora is too much for them, so with time, a translation from the strange foreign language, along with some good old right arm and eye weakness, but hey, the new Ceran is too nice looking for a facial paralysis.

Pretty, such style, so great.

Lets do a story here next week

Of love, and life, and details, and sound

Ill do it beautiful just because Im thinking of you

A portrait of everything I can see

And you wont even be there.



About: Lost Mighty Wolf 01-02

Happiness of Marionette 04 ~The Lost Mighty Wolf~ ch 01

Happiness of Marionette 04 ~The Lost Mighty Wolf~ ch 02

Oh, feels good to be working back again, I know I just said it, but it does feel great, now that finally the pigeons decided to behave and things have gone much more calm around. ahhhh, so cool.

After Little Wolfs “explanation of their past” in the last story ~Ashes to Illusions~, now comes the what a hell is going on, and the first hit on the head is the more casual and simple explanation, you are horrible and you are crazy.

In the intro of the story you have the Lost Boy, soon to be Teacher personality, being emotional about the awakening of the present core, and how he remains behind because its not the past core personality, so you have Little Wolf and Reo moving on while he is in the shadows.

In chapter one the classic “I should have done” when in retrospective, and then the you suck explanation, which is also the easiest thing to do, self hate.

In chapter two you get some answers, along with their attitude towards life, Little Wolf is laughing all along cause she enjoys being such a bully, Reo is much stronger now, so he overcomes the trial and at the end something very, emh, funny, he proves the core personality by solving the mystery of his strange affections, and how the actress should have been forgotten by the shell actions, yeeeet, someone else fell for it too, who is now angry about it.

In the discussion the sexual drive often gets mentioned, which is kind of a trick here, cause there is no fuel for that, the mixed organs pretty much take care of that, the reason why the twin personality is boy-girl in either past and present, after certain head “accident” happened. Later is told that the genetic, emh, weirdness, comes from a twin absorbed in the uterus, along with a dark little story about Aurora being so possessive of her mother.

In short words, Little Wolf is walking the necessary path, while using “what should be normal” to keep bullying Reo, until it backfires when the actress comes to into play.

About: Ashes to Illusions 09-12

Happiness of Marionette ~Ashes to Illusions~ ch 09

Happiness of Marionette ~Ashes to Illusions~ ch 10

Happiness of Marionette ~Ashes to Illusions~ ch 11

Happiness of Marionette ~Ashes to Illusions~ ch 12

Sure has been a while, feels so good to be back working.

First I had to deal with the new pigeon situation, going good now, then this and that, and theeeen I slipped while sweeping and I hit the back of my head, so I kinda lost mood for some time.

And back to our suicidal story, if you were to say it was escapism I dont think I would agree, in the psychology discussion and the value of life, for our male main character here it was done for in those dreadful circumstances, but he was angry about it, and saw greed as a way to overcome, he realized the true purpose of war and went along the lucky way, and then he met her.

Everything changed when he fell in love, but she was to die and he was to be involved, thats what explains chapter 11, she was already sick “from design” and had a plan for the final days, the difference is that she liked him, so he was part of it.
He didnt follow, for her it was clear that he wasnt ready, and he wasnt sick, so he keeps going on while floating, doing what she would have done at the “new village”, until chapter 10 and 12 when he realizes, well, his own self.

It goes from a very depressive and oppressive standpoint, he couldnt find elements of attachment in this new world, his child was not his, he had a high position among the wealthy people around him, yet he didnt feel anything for them and their values, since childhood he was always a step back, because of the dead of his parents and living with his ugly aunt.

And going to the last chapter, he finally figured it out, he believed all along about the treasure, of being gold, of being her, of a goal to conquer in order for life to make sense, and it did, but deep inside him it was not resolved, until he “learned to fly” just like her, watching from the carefree attitude of loligrandma Aurora, to let go.

I wish I had written more about her, though I actually did, theres a lot been said about her in such little text.
“I think I finally realize what I didnt have
To create, energies from the self”
The world is too big and its own, keeps rolling on, new people will come and all will be forever hungry, its all about the self and whatever emerges from it, if youre angry and depressed, I take the act of being as a vengeance, not to vengeance but to be, the bite back, theres a horrible reality out there that comes from a very bloody past, its all grey and lost already, and you werent even born, if you have the slightest pride you dont fade, you explode and expand, he grew wings and followed his heart, to the great adventure that is her light.


About: Ashes to Illusions 07-08

Happiness of Marionette 03 ~Ashes to Illusions~ ch 07

Happiness of Marionette 03 ~Ashes to Illusions~ ch 08

Once before I had the policy of not doing drawings at the same time as writing, then I had to deal with it and go along both, sure its difficult on the emotional side but you keep on. Now I face a new situation, when I have to write two, or more, stories at the same time, the one going through my head and the one Im currently working at, so… its not like I have much ram left, ahggg.
Anyway, in our current story, once I thought of making it about some very evil dude and forever smiling grandma Aurora, but then, as I kept writing and with my current emotions, it developed into something else, now its gonna be a “Big Sky” lethargy struggle.

He does, kind of looks like Jeff, aaaah, I guess I cant let go.

Though he is different, or at least I try him to be.

And also a little bit of what life is worth living for, Auish style. She is in such “happy mode” that even breaks the story and talks about the narrator, Little Wolf, or maybe is the other way around and she wants to be in, uhhh.

Chuchu goes the train…

Im kind of depressed cause I had to let a bunch of pigeons go hungry today, and its a little cold tonight, thought they poorly behaved, otherwise I would have given in. I sort of lost the territory I gave to them, I took some in, but even with all the controls, theres too many of them :(  which wouldnt be a problem if they learn to behave!!!

I did fed the more friendly though, but I think I missed a young one with cancer and the wife of a half blind one… theres so much you can do, its all part of realizing how small you actually are, and let go.

They really hate the nightly rain when they sleep without a cover, damn I feel sad, now that I could have extra time to write after Josephine died, this is my bigger kick by far, yet it is not about air ideas, sounding cool or convincing people, is about what life is worth living for.

“They dont really like you, they like the food” oh, Ive always known that.

Mother is always right, especially when she tells you cannot have a duck for a pet, even when they live in the streets just like you did.

I have a ring, I have a dress, I have an empty shell

By the books below teacups Ive kept a kind of hell

About: Ashes to Illusions 03-06

Happiness of Marionette 03 ~Ashes to Illusions~ ch 03

Happiness of Marionette 03 ~Ashes to Illusions~ ch 04

Happiness of Marionette 03 ~Ashes to Illusions~ ch 05

Happiness of Marionette 03 ~Ashes to Illusions~ ch 06

Little Wolf continues to tell whatever she can make up of the past to the shell personality, in all her pride she goes far to figure out whatever and pretend the amnesia doesnt affects her, she is too proud not to know.
Something that took me some time, besides a little gaming vacation, was that I put the whole old Ashes story into a chapter, and then the X chapter, the Au dinner, remained the same. So the third chapter says a looot, under a very few lines, I liked that, it was the best format for what it was.

The Au dinner, weeell, you get a lovely sight of Mother Aurora, and I omitted the Grandma Aurora parts, I guess she was too nervous :O

For the new story, Im not trying to make something historical, cause I dont think theres a point, just as I think making riddles for stories is useless, I rather like a punch-in-the-face kind of story, theres no need to go around the stuff, that would be boring, I dont like describing scenarios in a thousand empty words that mean little to nothing, the punch shapes it all.

What I love to do in these cases is to write a Kara no Shoujo-Caucassus-Cartagra type of story, a very strong tragedy and beautiful story. It all ends up in him having a child living in her own happy world, loligrandma Aurora.

She is coming in the next chapter by a country train.

I kind of feel bad, cause I could be making such a large main story out of the new one, yet I dont have the fuel to do it, as a secondary is great though, Im glad of how things are shaping.

Nothing like coming from war to see this face…

Thats why you are not “normal”, thats why you go beyond, it wouldnt be worth to live otherwise. To be cattle under their spell is already hell, or maybe Im too much of a freak and my “group thing” genes got screwed, and without love it cannot be seen.

But shhhhh! thats a secret, I dont want the Reptile Queen to nuke my house.

About: Ashes to Illusions 01-02

Happiness of Marionette 03 ~Ashes to Illusions~ ch 01

Happiness of Marionette 03 ~Ashes to Illusions~ ch 02

She is the childish form of the present core, but that doesnt mean she remembers it all. She, as you can easily see, is very proud, and also feels the need to show superiority to the Reo personality, so she fills the blanks while going for him being too much of an emotional retard to figure it out, and it works.
She kind of does the same with AuAu when the whole Aurora book, thats why the narrative is messed up, lacking emotions and first person view, but back then, which was before this, Dark Cloud Aurora was about to explode and Au comes to take care of the situation while having some storyteller fun.
Of course she tried the same later with the OriginalReo-Detective-Teacher personality, but it wasnt happening, he was there all along, she wasnt fooling him. And from there the story turns into seeking the truth while dealing with present matters, by doing so the past core awakens too (Happiness of Pigeon), and eventually fuse into the real personality (Eyes Opened Chapter). The same will happen with these two, Little Wolf and Reo, the shell personality will be absorbed and the present core, Aurora, will wake up.

Funny how the Teacher personality remained attached to the past core in his task to wake her up, even when he became secondary of the present core, thus changing from “detective” to “teacher”.

Back to our current story, the first thing she talks about is how beautiful their mother is.

Another chapter or two and then the new loligrandma Aurora story, its gonna be very cruel and very sweet at the same time.

And later more of Little Wolf and her dumb servant, dont worry, further the path he improves and the dynamics become more interesting.

Yaaa, I had to sell my tablet, kind of sad but I already have too many electronics. The situation is stable and I want it to remain that way, so time to sell it was. Things appear to be going back to normal after the mega sponsor audit. I did the Visualization and Style of drawings post, but I hold it cause it was too bitter after the audit, and I realize it doesnt make as happy as storytelling, so all side projects to the freezer, to be done once in a rare while.

About: New Stories

Im under heavy auditing that goes on and on, though it has gone well so far, the length is killing me, which drives to the third story in Eyes Open Chapter, “The Delusion of the Sponsor”, starts with a not so childish Reptile Queen setting things up, then the two lines that meet on Aurora, the Sponsor and her own, so very different, and due to circumstances, the illusion of the shell from Aurora begins to crumble, and things get very honest in a cruel development, that hopefully will have a happy ending.

Very exciting story, I may start to write it before I forget it :P
I havent done anything from the loligrandma Aurora story, I need a new air for that, I really want to do it well.

And another thats been on my mind “Feather Dreams”, the great cousin chapter. The intro goes with Aurora saying something like that song “you know I like to dream a lot, of this and that, and what is not… but mainly, I dream of you a lot” and the answer from her is “are you, hihihihi, are you going to wait forever? wait for me, wait forever and ever”.

Then in the first chapter you get to hear the words of Auroras father, how sick he is after her mother break up and death, he cant understand her daughter, he cant control her, and Im talking more of a personal level, not just the “she can beat me up” thing… mostly the “she acts so much like her mother, she is driving me insane”, beginnings of alcoholism, heavy depression, a complicated situation where she has to remain a secret, oh, and the lusty thing…

Then he finds her cousin, her poor family and their very needy situation.
You dont need to ask twice, you old fool.

Wish me luck with the rest of the audit, I desperately need going back to normal… you didnt think she was going to defeat the Reptile Queen, did you? she will always win until…
“Big sky holding up the sun, holding up the moon
Big sky holding down the sea, holding up the stars
Big sky, catch you in a jar
But you cannot hold me down anymore.”
That means death.
And thats the song Alice in her first story sings before the fake kidnapping and murder, so she escapes.

I needed to write the memos, and it became a post without the details :O


About: Drawings 02

About: Drawings 02

In this post Ill be talking a little about the software I use to make to make the drawings, Im not gonna shill them though.
I believe its important to use different programs, not only to enjoy different tools, but also to refresh your mind a little, like when you get tired of writing in the same form and change styles, not that I like hoarding computer programs, which I dont, just a small change once in a while, also depending on what you want to draw.
What I guess people mostly dont like is the learning of the tools part, and I say that cause I give computer classes, normally people dont like the effort and confusion of learning, they dont want to feel dumb, they dont want to go into a fog, they dont want to follow instructions and make sense of it, and you get to see so many reactions of the same thing, from arrogance to apathy. Its very bad for my business cause it makes them stop, but for the ones who do bite, they keep needing you.
So you have to learn how the program works, and also experiment what does what, so many times there is no manual, you need to try things out and find out for yourself what works and what does not. Dont end up like some comment I saw once, “Oh this program doesnt work, cause I do this when I color, and see, it doesnt work”, thats whats called one trick pony.

For the PC and drawing tablet, I as many others use Sai, a very old but so fine program, for all around drawing, very complete, an example would be these.

There are some programs to “rotoscope” a picture but I rather do it by hand, you can do it with Sai.

You dont really want a copy, right? why bother then?

When the file gets too large, its faster to save on a SSD rather than a normal hard drive, cause you take your time drawing and the normal one sleeps, you dont have it spinning all day, do you? you dont have your windows on that, do you?
Everytime you take a step, save, save, save. You get confident later, but still, keep saving, its very fast here.
Sai is a must have in my opinion, and next my favorite, Art Academy, emulating real life drawing tools.

There are different versions depending on the console you may have, the best one is the WiiU version, more tools and HD, but I dont think youll be able to get a WiiU at this point. Theres the portable version of the same on 3ds, but I already spent too much on videogames and already have the home version, aaand already have the ds version. I mean, since day one I thought they were going to ban me, but they didnt, wp is been pretty great along the years, so Im not gonna tell you about hacking, mine are not even, I went all digital in the before times and Im happy, so I stuck there. With the ninty magic comes the ninty problem though, so beware. Back to our WiiU program, you need to be patient with the saving and such, thats why I dont post “making of” videos anymore, it takes too long and I got tired of it.
The tools are very good, from pencil


pencil colors

pastel colors



The ds version is the first one, it gives you small pictures but works pretty good and fast, has pencil.

and paint

The tools are similar but I feel it works much better here, Im not sure if its the resolution or something else.
I guess you could try this up in your tablet or phone, but the screen would suck.

Colors is next, I bought it on impulse, its not so fine for my style, but I have managed to make it worth.

Its more of normal pc program, there are not many tools but you can do a lot with the opacity levels.

And finally Sketchbook, theres a windows version but its a joke to Sai, so I only use it on my tablet, and, hey, the pencils do work.

A machine is just that, the reaction in you is whats important.

Im gonna be kind of busy in the next days, probably why I started this instead to continue with the story, another sponsor audit cause of some circumstances.

About: Drawing 01

I thought it would be nice to share a little about the drawing process I do, so you can draw and be happy like AuAu.

Hey, where did everybody go?

The beginnings are complicated and you need a lot of patience to reach a level of skill where you actually enjoy doing it, if youre not in for some work you wont get far.
First elements to consider would be hardware, software, visualization and style.

I started writing long ago, I used to say that the reason for it was because it was as cheap as it could be, some large notebook and pens, and there you go. The real reason is different but the point still stands, for drawing is mostly the same, but get on with the times, youre really missing a lot of fun, of course is much more expensive, but I highly doubt you are poorer than me, come on.

Not to drag much on hardware, touch screens are annoying to work with but youll likely have some around, maybe you can start with that to learn the very basics. From what Ive read, its not really a touch but a tiny electric shock, real “touch” screens like the ones of a 3ds or wiiu work much better. Why do I mention those? cause I use them a lot.
The best option by far is a drawing tablet, and the power of a decent computer, theres only one good brand and some knock-offs, dont be cheap with this, especially since the most basic tablet works perfectly, you dont need that software, you dont need the buttons and whatever gimmick they throw at you to sell more, the tablet and the pen and thats it, maybe just the wireless for comfort.
Yes, you will be seeing the screen as you draw, not the tablet, its only weird at the first, youll get use to it and wont even notice later.
Theres a bunch of details of this and that, but theres no point for me to write about it, Im pretty sure you can read it elsewhere, I dont want to sound like an unboxing channel.

In the next one about software.

About: Ashes to Illusions

Ever since Josephine died its been a very rough change, not only for her being gone, but also my sense of home, and my appetite for some time, my feral nature has taken over, sure I still take care of the pigeons, a very selected group, but they have their own thing going on.

With the sense of a home you become more, kind, warmer, with the feral sense you become sharper, more aggressive, its kind of a, weird, feeling, to be in the middle, lets be honets, Im too old and injured to be full feral again, and I dont know what to think about it, its not about evil or good, nor better or worse, not even nostalgia, its probably about change, it all hit you at once, these large processes that took a long time to develop, reproducing from a fingertip to another, its difficult not to pay attention and become obsessed.
Anyway, moving on, something I wish to do, to focus on the stories yet I cant let go. The next one will be a remake, at first I was thinking of making it short and combine into one, originally there was four after Reos inside trial, “Ashes to Illusions” where Reo keeps asking about his past, and Little Wolf making a bunch of stuff up cause she is too proud to say she doesnt remember much at all. “A Boy without a Heart” asking the obvious youarecrazy questions. “The Lost Mighty Wolf” about what happens with Little Wolf after awakening. “The Very Late Great Travel” a nostalgia trip but also, hey, Im going after all.
Its all very childish, because Little Wolf is the child form.

In Ashes, originally was talking how Grandma Aurora emigrated so young after her father was a war frenzy monster, while trying to make a connection to the Actress information in a way to make it possible for her to be her cousin, yeeep, it goes that far, I mean, she already knows its not her, but, well, its romance to fill the air with, I guess, cause boredom is suicide.
Im gonna remake it into something much more interesting while taking the base of it, now we will see a complete story about the very evil and mean Great Grand Father of Aurora, full creep Aurorish style, so you know what to expect… and his bad luck charm and demise, loli Grandma Aurora, who doesnt even know whats going on.
In the later chapters you get more info about what really happened with Grandma Aurora.

The Mii theater is kind of gone, Im not deleting that site yet but I dont see much future for it, so Im gonna make the best of it and focus on the best character for a little, emh, fashion show.

I may do something about the Reptile site while I put my mind, and body together, I wanted to start with a drawing “The Poor Priest” who doesnt have the money to embrace his degenerate emotions, so sad, then the Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhh! of that folk song.
Then the other side project, its very arty and I havent put together the concept, its this dude I call shithead in the memos, but I kind of keep that term to myself, not to fool anyone, its not about that, is this normalish cool dude who is successful and worries about the stupidest things, surrounds himself with beautiful dumb as fuck people, theyre not even normal, you could say that they are at the other side of the rainbow from Aurora, and its sort of a Reo thing cause he is so shallow and the people around him mostly fill a role rather than being someone on their own, yet theyre so shallow too, they have no problem with. Its a shallowfest, whatever he says and does lacks any dept.
Anyway, lets see if it goes anywhere, and as you see, I have so much to work with, and I wrote this to help put my mind together.