Interrupted by work, Ive been half asleep constantly since yesterday, which naturally leads to the state of “trance” I told you the last post, in fact, I had a huge regression last afternoon-evening, to the point of visualize, moving your head and “looking around” (not really, just the sense of it), but it was busy hour with the birds visiting the feeding grounds, so they kept bringing me back.
(Now this drawing is starting to make sense to me).
Then analyzing as the storyteller I am, the extense of what I could do with this “trance” thing, always when I write a story, it is at least a mini-trance anyway. It lead me realizing something else.
I did a great representation of Grandma Aurora and Auroras Mother in the last chapter of the Beautiful Mother story, it left me wanting more and more but I dont feel like it, basically because they all think Aurora was a dumb little worthless idiot, and there is nothing I can do to change it.
Since then there was this “I dont care” attitude, for real, so it didnt create a trauma in the sense of rejection, yet something else happened that I just realized.
There is rejection with attachment, like this funny scene I havent write about Auroras Mother and her mother, she teases her little one constantly, and then goes “see? I told you I could make her do that, hahaha” “hahahaha”. Auroras Mother didnt like her child that much, yet she still actively fulfill her duty until the moment she died. The rest of the line was absent.
And there is rejection without attachment, on the fatherly side, they would gladly do a thousand trimester abortion. The main problem is that the balance is not there, Auroras Father was “halfway gone” by the time they lived together. He was a lonely child with a lonely child.
“Birth certificate in a Will” sweet and all, would have been worthless, as there was no one to enforce it. I can curse all day about the high classes destroying the world, but theres also this “bad attention” it creates, nobody gives a damn about you if your poor, but also nobody gives a damn about you if youre rich, they only care about your wealth. Nobody cares about anyone, but then youre a tasty piece of meat.
And then there is this forever teenage woman, Aurora ends up with after an “accident”. She has a million problems and her family was into more.
What I just came to realize, its the huge wall this created between Aurora and the adult world, so when she finally was on her own… I have this great title called “The War on all Adults”, Ill either rename the stories Little Commander or Cowboy Wars with it. Its perfect, and it sounds so great, so again, “The War on all Adults”, I even feel like a rock star :D though is gonna be a nasty writing.
On the contrary, the only one who really liked Aurora was her younger cousin, to her, she was like a superhero who could do anything.
Ahh, now Ive made myself cry… so to finish the post, another song.
“Then I dreamed that I saw Mommy, with a supermarket trolley
I was trying to throw my arms, around her world
She took a wild flower, thorny and brittle
Through the eye of a needle
Trying to throw my arms, around her world”.
Help me feed the birds!!